i can't believe it's been a year and a half since i last made an entry here.  a lot of things have happened now.  i resigned from my previous job.  i got into a romantic relationship.  the 3 of us were literally torn apart.  7 months ago i gave birth.  we reunited to a certain extent.  my mother is still crazy.  i had a job again.  my mother is still the same despite of her sad situation.  my daughter is over 200 miles away from me. it would take 10 hours of land transportation before i get to see and touch my beloved daughter. 

the last time i saw Abby was 10 days ago.  i never thought it would make me feel this way to miss my precious child.  it drives me crazy.  i try not to think of her because according to the old common knowledge, she might get sick.  but i can't avoid it.  every moment, i remember the activities before that we used to do together.  i miss breastfeeding her.  i miss bathing her on my lap or on her bath tub.  i miss strolling her around the house and downtown the city.  i miss talking to her, and i miss her talking to me.  people always notice her small lips.  despite of her small lips, she has a big voice.  her cries are really loud too.  i miss carrying my daughter in my arms while roaming around the grocery.  i always smell her neck whenever she is wrapped around my chest.  i miss changing her soiled diapers.  i miss dancing her to laughter.  when i lay down on my bed, i always put my left hand beside the empty space of my bed.  i miss my baby sleeping beside me.  when she sleeps, i always put my left arm beneath her legs so that she'll feel my presence or i put her pillow beneath her legs because she is already used to feeling something beneath her legs.  i used to watch her sleep that it's as if i am memorizing her face.  i will never forget her smile.  her chinky eyes are always "gone" whenever she smiles.  what i miss the most of my daughter are when she says, "mommamy," and when she stretches out her arms to reach me as her way of saying, "mommy please get me now!"  i can't describe how i miss my daughter SO MUCH.  I MISS ABBY!

it's been 3 weeks now that i am not the one who is taking care of my daughter.  when i went home to see her 10 days ago, she doesn't seem to recognize me anymore.  yes i was able to carry her in my arms, since she didn't cry.  but, i really felt that she doesn't seem to recognize me that much anymore.  i know i am overreacting.  Abby's only 7-months old.  her trust is mostly gained when her oral needs are met.