[Submitted by condescendingcharm on August 9, 2008, 10:30 pm]
at 19 -- or should i say, until now...
1. i am still a big fat loser
*it's so frustrating. for 10 years i've been struggling to be liked, against the world's mean and judgmental eyes whenever they look at full-figured people. seriously. is it my fault that when I was 13 I already had 36 inches worth of hips? And now after 7 years, well... yeah, it got bigger, duh. but it's genetics!
but it's really my fault that i have bulging arms and stomach, and bulky legs. i love pigging out, especially when i'm stressed , which i always am.
i quote my brother "ano ba yan, antaba mo! dapat para kang (insert name of a skinny celebrity wearing short-shorts and tank top, dancing and lip-synching like a fool on a noontime variety show)."
2. i still don't have a hell lot of savings
*as opposed to my brothers who already established their future due to their weekly allowances that they saved ever since they were 3. no, seriously.
3. i still don't know how to ride a bike
* oh please. it's not like i'm being bratty when i try to pedal... but yeah, i wasn't trying enough. but i'm afraid to get scars! the reason, to begin with, why i wasn't allowed to ride a bike when i still didn't have a concept of getting "hurt" and "ugly scars" was because my mom didn't want me to get scars. and she was really successful. so i am just following her lead! i hate bikes. gawd.
4. ditto to swim
* i love the waters. but the waters don't love me back. story of my life.
5. ditto to drive exactly how a driver, err, well, drives
* spent a fortune on driving schools, gasoline when i was practicing -- even had my own license -- but guess what i do! i text my brothers!
6. ditto to play chess
*it's nerdy. but it's cool. not that i have any idea what chess entails, but it would be nice if i actually know how to play "intellectual games".
7. i haven't treated my family for like a simple dinner or something just to say THANK YOU
* why not?! they deserve that. especially from me... the spoiled bratty kid (according to other people, which they don't actually have to right to say so, because they don't feed me and buy me clothes. only my family has the right to say that).
8. i still haven't killed any of those people who tore my confidence and yeah, social and academic life apart
* I SWEAR. TIME WILL COME, YOU-WILL-ALL-PAY. Gawd, you guys were good. you should be proud! actually make that evil! pretty evil that you made my social life miserable, inferior and frustrating. i'll see you in court. *evil laugh*
9. i still don't know what i am going to be 5 years from now, 10 or even 20...
* oh yeah, at 20 at first i thought, i am gonna be dead but now that i think about it... 40? Oh gawd, eew. i changed my mind back, just die.
10. i haven't really danced... like real dancing.
* what's real dancing? i dunno exactly, but i know that it should be far different from what i usually do. it should be a performance... rhythm and grace... flexibility, agility but with control and proper calculation of movement... *sigh*
11. i haven't really sung... like real singing.
* i mean, i am so not the world's greatest singer, not even near to someone who knows how to sing -- i cannot even play an instrument, for crying out loud. but i really love to sing. ever since i was 3... i did not learn nursery rhymes because i was singing along with my Disney Movies OST cassette and Diana Ross' Greatest Hits album. i was screaming When You Tell Me That You Love Me way way before i learned the complete lyrics of Twinkle Twinkle. i mean, seriously. i have a full range of CDs, downloads and stuff, i love music and singing.
12. i still haven't starred in a full theater production.
* i would love to do that someday. it's one of my dreams/ambitions... to be on theater. :)
13. i am still not a member of a sorority.
*it's my college dream!
14. i am an OC when it comes to organizing activities, but my own room? whew.
* it's not a room. it's a dumpster. same old messy me.
15. i still haven't learned how to fight for what i believe in... in case, i actually have something to believe in.
* i'm a big apathetic byatch.oh yeah. i am. but little do people know that i do have my own opinion, stands, perspective on things happening around me. i am just not passionate enough to express them whether on paper or any explicit participation.
16. i haven't seen in person, had any of my stuff signed, or even a picture of my so-called idols.
*screams. oh please. just befooorrreee i die! omg, Utt! Denise! :)
17. i haven't visited and explored Tagaytay City, Ilocos Region, Palawan and Batanes.
* I so wanted to visit those places. Imagine, TAGAYTAY!
18. i still don't know how to skate ... on land and even on ice.
* even though i planned to enroll in a skating summer clinic way before i got fat. because if i try to learn now? my big butt is just going to hurt and it will ruin every costume i would have to wear. and my body would look -- oh gawd. i don't even want to go there!
19. i still don't have a boyfriend.
* not like im looking for one or desperately needing one, but my brothers are already accusing me of being a lesbian, and really, no offense -- but i am really annoyed when they do that. i mean, can't they accept the fact that the reason why I still don't have a bf is that their only sister is, wellpug-nosed, morena and "big boned", therefore, her appearance is against the society's definition of pretty and i am just sick and tired of their "alaska" moments because whenever we have family dinners, we always get the odd-numbered tables and they often hypothesize that i am this selfish and conceited because i don't have somebody to share stuff and i am so not looking or needing one -- ok im blabbing.
cole :)
to be continued...
1. i am still a big fat loser
*it's so frustrating. for 10 years i've been struggling to be liked, against the world's mean and judgmental eyes whenever they look at full-figured people. seriously. is it my fault that when I was 13 I already had 36 inches worth of hips? And now after 7 years, well... yeah, it got bigger, duh. but it's genetics!
but it's really my fault that i have bulging arms and stomach, and bulky legs. i love pigging out, especially when i'm stressed , which i always am.
i quote my brother "ano ba yan, antaba mo! dapat para kang (insert name of a skinny celebrity wearing short-shorts and tank top, dancing and lip-synching like a fool on a noontime variety show)."
2. i still don't have a hell lot of savings
*as opposed to my brothers who already established their future due to their weekly allowances that they saved ever since they were 3. no, seriously.
3. i still don't know how to ride a bike
* oh please. it's not like i'm being bratty when i try to pedal... but yeah, i wasn't trying enough. but i'm afraid to get scars! the reason, to begin with, why i wasn't allowed to ride a bike when i still didn't have a concept of getting "hurt" and "ugly scars" was because my mom didn't want me to get scars. and she was really successful. so i am just following her lead! i hate bikes. gawd.
4. ditto to swim
* i love the waters. but the waters don't love me back. story of my life.
5. ditto to drive exactly how a driver, err, well, drives
* spent a fortune on driving schools, gasoline when i was practicing -- even had my own license -- but guess what i do! i text my brothers!
6. ditto to play chess
*it's nerdy. but it's cool. not that i have any idea what chess entails, but it would be nice if i actually know how to play "intellectual games".
7. i haven't treated my family for like a simple dinner or something just to say THANK YOU
* why not?! they deserve that. especially from me... the spoiled bratty kid (according to other people, which they don't actually have to right to say so, because they don't feed me and buy me clothes. only my family has the right to say that).
8. i still haven't killed any of those people who tore my confidence and yeah, social and academic life apart
* I SWEAR. TIME WILL COME, YOU-WILL-ALL-PAY. Gawd, you guys were good. you should be proud! actually make that evil! pretty evil that you made my social life miserable, inferior and frustrating. i'll see you in court. *evil laugh*
9. i still don't know what i am going to be 5 years from now, 10 or even 20...
* oh yeah, at 20 at first i thought, i am gonna be dead but now that i think about it... 40? Oh gawd, eew. i changed my mind back, just die.
10. i haven't really danced... like real dancing.
* what's real dancing? i dunno exactly, but i know that it should be far different from what i usually do. it should be a performance... rhythm and grace... flexibility, agility but with control and proper calculation of movement... *sigh*
11. i haven't really sung... like real singing.
* i mean, i am so not the world's greatest singer, not even near to someone who knows how to sing -- i cannot even play an instrument, for crying out loud. but i really love to sing. ever since i was 3... i did not learn nursery rhymes because i was singing along with my Disney Movies OST cassette and Diana Ross' Greatest Hits album. i was screaming When You Tell Me That You Love Me way way before i learned the complete lyrics of Twinkle Twinkle. i mean, seriously. i have a full range of CDs, downloads and stuff, i love music and singing.
12. i still haven't starred in a full theater production.
* i would love to do that someday. it's one of my dreams/ambitions... to be on theater. :)
13. i am still not a member of a sorority.
*it's my college dream!
14. i am an OC when it comes to organizing activities, but my own room? whew.
* it's not a room. it's a dumpster. same old messy me.
15. i still haven't learned how to fight for what i believe in... in case, i actually have something to believe in.
* i'm a big apathetic byatch.oh yeah. i am. but little do people know that i do have my own opinion, stands, perspective on things happening around me. i am just not passionate enough to express them whether on paper or any explicit participation.
16. i haven't seen in person, had any of my stuff signed, or even a picture of my so-called idols.
*screams. oh please. just befooorrreee i die! omg, Utt! Denise! :)
17. i haven't visited and explored Tagaytay City, Ilocos Region, Palawan and Batanes.
* I so wanted to visit those places. Imagine, TAGAYTAY!
18. i still don't know how to skate ... on land and even on ice.
* even though i planned to enroll in a skating summer clinic way before i got fat. because if i try to learn now? my big butt is just going to hurt and it will ruin every costume i would have to wear. and my body would look -- oh gawd. i don't even want to go there!
19. i still don't have a boyfriend.
* not like im looking for one or desperately needing one, but my brothers are already accusing me of being a lesbian, and really, no offense -- but i am really annoyed when they do that. i mean, can't they accept the fact that the reason why I still don't have a bf is that their only sister is, wellpug-nosed, morena and "big boned", therefore, her appearance is against the society's definition of pretty and i am just sick and tired of their "alaska" moments because whenever we have family dinners, we always get the odd-numbered tables and they often hypothesize that i am this selfish and conceited because i don't have somebody to share stuff and i am so not looking or needing one -- ok im blabbing.
cole :)
to be continued...