today i did and saw and experienced some new things in my life.

for the first time, i stepped into this ID home that is situated a few blocks away from my home. what i saw didn't really put me off. but what i saw really awakened me to how protected pur society and children are from the reality of life. these intelligence disabled people are gathered in this home,  away from the eyes of our growing children who have always been taught to share and love and respect. how then will these children learn when adults in our society actually shun from these people and some may even label them with upsetting titles. the fact that they are not frequently seen on the streets do not mean that they do not exist. our children need to be educated about the natural biological differences in man. it will be very sad if one day, a child were to be spotted shooing away, laughing at or wrinkling his nose at a down syndrome person. it will be a disgrace to the values that are supposingly taught to them, a disgrace to their parents, their teachers, their school, their nation. i hope this day will never come.

another new i had today was having lok lok in jb. my first lok lok ever, courtesy of my other half. nice and interesting, thank u bi.

another new will be the surge in petrol prices in jb...wow...what a difference it makes.

here's the old now...money is an issue...and a daunting one. something no one can escape from, something many work their lives, give their lives for. sometimes i understand my other half, sometimes i do wish he understands me too. im studying full time now and im forking out every cent of my uni fees. where is my money coming from? tuition of course but as my final year in uni arrives with a huge package of modules, i have to reduce my number of students and there goes a drastic drop in my income. you may say, oh come mon, just spend lesser, yet there r some things every month that are inevitably spent, like your insurance, your savings plan, your phone bills, your transport that increases blindly. all these...and whatever that Im left to survive on is bearly passed 400 bucks. my entire month meals. this would prob be a few percent of what my other half earns and as much as i know he has numerous things to pay for, i don't believe he is in as sorry a state as me especially since come this semester, i will have to cough up 2.5k for my fees. it torments me, to have to survive on so little yet have to maintain and pay as much when we go out so as to help him 'lessen' his burden. sometimes i wonder if anyone bothers to ask how im doing or whether im coping fine.

im always strong on the outside, but inside, im really crying out, becos of anger and unfairness, all these rising prices and all ppl could say is rise in salary does not solve the prob and that erp gantries r fking good stuff to restrict traffic. if one has more foresight, one will know that a good civil service serves and understands. sure the civil was good once, but standards can drop, even the usual french fries can start to taste strange after a long time. we r encouraged to constantly improve...but where is that example set?

i need to talk to people. i cannot hang around the same people everyday. it dampens me, my perspective and restricts my imagination. i need inspiration. really im tired. i need a break soon, a break out to a better future. right now, i see none. there used to be one, now it's fading.  help.