I'm so upset today. First is famliy, secondly is love. How terrible can it be? Of all things, these things are so close and impt to me and yes they have to break my heart both at the same time. Though I'm a aquarius, my moon sign is pisces. Sun sign reflect your individuality but moon sign show ur inner personality. So actually, I'm a very emotional person. And I'm a romantic.

So I have a fight with my mum today. It is always world war fight with my parents or brother. The kind that got a hugh atomic bomb hitting you. Then I wanted to find comfort in my bf but sadly he was not there for me. I sms him, but he reply 2 hr late. I'm so glad Kamala was there for me then. She really comfort me a lot, being such a sympathetic listener and wanted to make me feel good again. And the most impt is that I know I can always call her and she will pick up. This is not the case wit my bf. I tink he is always so busy. I told him that he need to spend more time with me so he increase from one date per wk to 2 date per wk. Can't we meet more often? Does it have to follow a schedule? Like wed and sun is reserve for date with me and other days we can't meet? How I wish he say that we meet more often, esp since we have not started sch yet.

I was actually short of money but I did not work more cos I wan to see him more often. But he did not ask me out for more date. So I tell him if only we can meet more often and everyday but he did not take my hint. Or did he think that it was not necessary to meet more often. I always have the feeling it is the latter.

So after he reply 2 hrs late, I really dun feel like talking to him. The moment was over. I was quite disappointed in him. But I knew that if I call him, he might not even be free to listen to me. Or if he did, he did not know how to console me. When I sms him that I'm upset, it really major but he did not seem to think in this way. He gave me the feeling like it was nothing. Like" sure, sayang, you can call me. what are you upset abt?" The reply he gave me make me wan to get away from him. It was not the kind of feeling that you can run to him and fall into his arm, thinking that he can comfort me. No, he can't do it and when I say upset, how light can the situation be? I really needed someone to comfort me but it was not him. In the end, my best friend was the one that was there for me, not him.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a bf at all. He doesn't even know how to treat a gf. When I was telling him my probs, he was so quiet on the phone call, he dun even know how to say Dun cry or say Dun worry to me. I was alred trying to control my crying so that he will not feel very upset too. But how can he not tell that I'm crying. My voice was wavering. How can he be so numb. Can't you say dun cry? How I wish when I sms him, he call me instead of smsing. He even ask if he need to call me a not. Y can't he be more automatic? Can't you call to at least show you care alot? Sometimes I dun know if I expect too much of my bf. I wanted him to be automatic, not do the things only when I told him to.

So I told him on sun that when we go out, he dun have to treat me. When we go out, we go dutch, we pay for our own things. He sounded so happy that it make me depressed. If you have a gf and you expect that you dun need to treat her, I dun see how it is any difference from being friends. Even my best friends treat me, so does that mean that best friends is better than bf. Sometimes it certainly seem that way for me. He just dun know how to treat his gf rit.. Is it so hard to treat me to a drink? When I told him it was a different case when he work next time, he turn quiet like he's really scared. Pse, do I look like those gals that will sux all your money out. Have you forgetten when you ask me out for movie, I say that I have no money to watch and you say that nvm you will treat me but I told you no, I rather I pay for myself, Thank u.

Sigh*, forget it, I rather depend on myself to treat myself. But seriously I dun know why I still stick to him as my bf. Cause I do expect my bf to treat me. Not treat me to big or exp things but it is the small little things. Things that are less than 2 dollar. I nv make him pay more than that. Like making an effort to show you wanted to treat me like a princess. But I guess it was hard for him to part even that money. My mum and other ppl always tell me that when you marry a guy, nv marry a stingy guy. I guess I got quite a guy who feel it is hard to part his money for his love. Sometimes I really have to harden myself, pyscho myself and say it is ok when I am not feeling ok. This even make me wonder if he was really poor or short of money. But he is not poor, he dun live in HDB flat, his parents has car. If he was poor I can understand, but he doesn't seem to be. If I was to compare him to other guys in my sch who are not rich but they still treat their gf to meals and flower, I dun understand why he can't. I really dun know what is the prob.

Normally I hate rich ppl. I really dun know why I manage to eat down my ego and go with him. Cause I saw a lot of instance in ppl where the richer you are, the more insensitive you are to ppl feeling. It like the more money you have, it seem to make it lawful to laugh and ridicule others when you are not suppose to.

But yet, I dun want to break up with him, I still tink it was possible to live together wit him. But I also do not want to live and regret later when things goes sour btw him and me. Like saying why didn't I leave him earlier. The bad sign are all there. No, I still want him cause he was the only one that was persistent in asking me out? No, he was very persistent toward the end cause I know he was trying to get other girls attention. Haiz.. this relationship is really not going the way I thought it would be...