im currently in the newsroom. instead of doing hundreds of requirements that were left hanging to prioritize my major course, im dead set on this seat writing this because im just frustrated, stressed, tired and numb right now.

this morning, being so absent-minded and all, i dropped my dream phone. i cursed myself, picked it up and saw deep scratches all over the face of my new dream phone and even a little scratch at the bottom. i could not believe i was that stupid to let my phone slip just because i was thinking and worrying my pending requirements. suddenly, all my frustrations came running to me. everything. the things i just keep inside, the things i'd rather not talk about. all my desperations, my frustrations, my plans turned nothing, everything. i wanted to cry but i can't. i was wide awake for the first time after a month of wanting to take a nap in my botany 1 lecture awhile ago. i was thinking of my phone having major damages and my acads on the verge of failing.

i am really a good student. i submit my requirements on time and i make sure those requirements are kickass good. i am active in every class that i have, i make sure i pass my exams and my quizzes are ok. i don't sleeping class (at least not everytime) and that i am running for honors. but now? nothing. i am a nothing but a pathetic student. but after this semester, i don't think all my efforts to be on this state will pay off because of only one semester, i believe, this sem turned my world upside down. this was not supposed to end up like this, but guess what, i failed. i totally failed to deliver.

this sem was the first time i had the chance to make big waves in my respective organizations. My other org, yeah, i did ok. My other one? I totally choked and failed to meet the members' expectations. it was so hard to accept that i was not able to execute the best actions that i can because if i was not catching a nap, i am too tired to do anything at all. it just sucks. i am extremely passionate towards my org and i just made a fool out of myself and disappointed them, totally.

i am supposed to have the best thesis ever, starting with the proposal. all my academic requirements are on the edge of the cliff...this was not the idea of sacrifice that i had in mind.bad. with the dean as my adviser and my parents as research gurus, what could possibly go wrong? except me.

i could have just killed myself beforehand. so my good academic standing never turned bad. so i never got my brods and sisses disappointed. so i never had to make any decisions that i could not stand to. so i never get my parents tired. so my acads never had to suffer. so my phone did not slip from my gummy hands. so i never had to fail miserably. i am just tired. i don't care if everything will make sense in the future. i want to live now.