I really dont know how to start this entry ..
Its really hard when you fell inlove with your friend especially when its your bestfriend , this had happened to me twice , right now i really dont know how to escape this transparency that runs to my system ..
THE STORY:
It all started like early october of 07` , due to the closeness and all , we ride in together in different everythings , i mean were always seen being together , in the school corridors , and to other places , i can still remember when we watched a movie the month of November , and it was a LOVESTORY movie ( One More Chance ) , that time we just broke up with our X's .
Us sitting together in the movie house makes me feel Comfortable , because we have this same situation , there are these certain thoughts that is running , like : what if Me and Her work out a relationship of a sort ? , but that was just a pretty random thought , i got my self back to the movie that i am watching
After two days of thinking about the thought , i told the story to our other bestfriend she told me that i must maybe get rid of that stuff and get back on wherever the hell im in , but things just got complicated , because everytime im with my bestfriend i feel my heart beats too unusual , again i ignored it but this time i started to show some hints and stuffs , like the group message that i sent to all of my classmates ( that includes my bestfriend ) of course she replied asking whos that girl that i am referring to , i only tell her that she`ll knew it all at the right time , and then there it goes ! i started to feel and treat her morethan a Bestfriend and it was really hard showing yourself to her pretending that youre not inlove to her and just showing the other side which is the Bestfriend side , this january i started to feel that shes not comfortable when were together , and i feel like she can already see the different side of me being inlove to her
she started to jive in with other friends , and just talking to me once in a while.
Before i tell anyone how i feel to her , i decided that i wont tell her everything and just let it flow until the feeling is gone.
I got jealous to this friend who knows the stuff and really trying to get with my bestfriend always , that happened like last week , Monday .
and heres the CLIMAX ...
Yesterday not being cautious on what we will be after , i told my Bestfriend everything " THAT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER " , she said " I KNEW IT ALL FROM THE START , IM NOT THAT NUMB " Right now we are suffering because of this Medium Barrier and this one makes me really sick . LITERALLY. ,
A while ago in our school : at our first class , we didnt even talk .
What can i do ? my mind cannot tolerate a heavy secret , everything that is going on reflects to everything i do , maybe that makes me TRANSPARENT.
[ Uuuh .. SUSAN M. SORIA , if ever you are reading this , just pretend that you didnt read any .]
this is the only outlet that i can think of
- Justin :'(