I can't stand it! I can't stand it anymore! My life sucks! Don't even know where am i! Here i am bringing food to school everyday in hope to save money. But all the money i save seems to dissapear... ALL SPENT ON My BRO... I got a $500 bucks award in school. I put it in my savings account. I DON'T WANNA USE IT LIKE I DID PREVIOUSLY. So i'm keeping it in there... But soon i realise... It still get's spent away but not for my sake... But for my Bro. I had to pay $100+ for his medications. BUt i guess its ok cuz its spent for a reason.. But' I'm very angry that bro just keeps spending money on fast food! The fact that he is on dialysis, he shouldn't be eating all these. He's so fussy! why can't he just eat home cooked food. He insists that i buy him fastfood all the time. Then when i say no and that i'll cook for him, he says that he doesn't want to eat anything else... So Frustrating..! i feel like eating a lot of things! I feel like eating Sushi, Mos Burger, Long Johns... so many more but i just dun show it and i just keep it to myself.. because i know i need to save money and fastfood is expensive. but it seems that all the money i save so that i can eat them gets spent away by Bro so that he can get what he wants! that's so sickening! He doesn't want to go for physiotherapy.. He keeps saying he wants to walk and work and go hang out with friends... yet he doesn't do enough to help himself achieve his goals.. I'm tired of him... I love him but i realise that this love is turning to anger... Now i think i hate him. I hate him! Why is life so unfair! Why is it my mum has to get cancer... why is it my mum have to leave me so soon. why is it my bro has to get kidney failure... why is it that bro has to get peritonitis? why is it God doesnt give bro a chance to do dialysis again? It's his first time! why is it other patients get peritonitis more than ten time and yet is still able to use their peritoneum? why? what did we do wrong to deserve this! what did i do wrong to deserve this? what do you want from me! why is it i have a family but they just don't seem to be there! why? why! Why! i just wish i could kill myself.... just pretend to jaywalk and let a car drive into me.. kill me. let me bleed... let me dissapear on this face of earth.. God if you want me just take me... dun make my family suffer.