It's been 3 years since i couldn't sleep without having to think of a lot of things, that have continuously bothered me over the span of time. Three years is long, you know, but why can't i get over the pain? why can't i let go of the angst? why can't i stop missing my friends whom i thought would never betray and hurt me? Sometimes I disgust myself of pretending that I've gone through the process of losing and keeping someone i don't really know i still deserve to be with. I guess i haven't really totally accepted the fact that i was a victim-a stupid victim of a crime named LOVE. LOVE...Is it still love? or am i just afraid of the circumstance that one day, if i'd totally lose him, id just sulk, cry out of self-pity and loneliness, thinking that those whom i considered "friends" would just laugh at me for having been a stupid desperate, hopeless romantic, obsessive lover! I have been used being with him for my past 4 years and i can't imagine my life without him... "I wanna go through the missing part... I'm not ready to go to the reconciliation part. It still hurts. It does and i pray that soon, i'll get out of this hell-like paranoia."