Brent,

I miss our fights... I miss "me" trying to call you off drinking..

I miss your monologues…

I miss your sweet teases…

I miss the feeling of wanting to check on you and wanting to take care of you..

I miss receiving SMS on my other line...

I miss anticipating for the day you'd keep your promises

I miss calls that wake me up in the wee hours of the morning...

I’m tired of you saying goodbye.. I admit the first time I really cried.. and on the second time.. I did still.. but I think there always comes a point where I find myself wanting to be with you. and in that wanting I find "me" hurting inside.. I’ve stayed away and said goodbye a couple of time but after a while.. I find myself missing you.. retracing my steps back to you..

Every goodbye. take care and thank you makes my heart ache. it makes me cry in a way that every drop reminds me of how much I want you and how much I need you..

as I stare at the wall, I would plan of things we could do together. but it’s too late...

I miss the times you'd say to tell my grand kids about you... I miss pretending to be your princess even though I know you really have your own. I miss getting details of your life and wanting to be a part it.. I miss you asking me questions like "YES or NO?" "SHOULD I or SHOULD I NOT?"

I miss "US" trying to unsuspectingly care for each other but try not to show it.. Every goodbye hurts like hell but it makes me want to be with you more... every reconciliation is sweeter than before and I wish it could have been more..

Remember that one day I talked to you and ask you questions? I wish I could go back and express myself more clearly... Remember the time we talked about gay friends and then you asked me that question I just laughed at? You know what my real answer was? It was Y-E-S. But I couldn't say it. I couldn’t even gather up strength to admit it until now...

I MISS YOU BRENT. Why do you always leave me when I need you most? Is this a sight that we really weren't meant to be?

When I heard the song "kung wale ka" by HALE this morning.. IT HIT ME. Everything came in to place and sunk in...

I miss you asking me if it’s cold.." I wish if I’d say yes.. You’d come here and hug me.."

Remember the time when you received the message that I was gone? Well, I wish I really did that day but you became my reason for thinking twice about what I do about my life I want to make you happy. Because I found out that making you happy would make me really happy...

Everyday you made me smile.. You made me feel alive.. You make me happy. You made me want to do better.. You make me want to be with you..

I want you to realize that you need to clean up and fix your life...

I want to be in your plan  but I guess I could never be..  I want to introduce you to my parents.. Meet my friends and my relatives..  And make them love you more than they love me.. I know that you could be more.. So much more than you are now.. I believe that you are capable of doing extraordinary things.. I know that you’ll be a great and loving dad someday.. And a very loving husband..

I miss the rudeness.. It’s crazy but it’s true.. I miss the “SORRY’s”. Hell I wish you miss me as much or even more than I am missing you..

Do you that it hurts whenever you try to say goodbye.? It hurts me more when you say it.. It hurts too when you put yourself down.. And it hurts even more when you continuously do thing know would make you worse that you are now..

I go crazy whenever you try to say something mushy and you can’t say it out loud..

I love it when you talk about “her” your princess and it hurts at the same time that I can only pretend to be her (but I wish I was your princess.)

You say di mo kaya na mawala ako.. kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako nasaktan ngayong iniwan mo akong naghihintay na tuparin mo ang mga pangako mo.. Paano na ako ngayong wala kana?

~Maiyah

11/24/2005 12:06 am