okay okayy, it really has been a while since i've post a whole new entry into my blog. oh wells, here goes. [takes a DEEP breath] weeeeeeell, whats new?

owhh. i pierced my tongue [:P] yesterday. i've been thinking about it for quite some time and did numerous counts of research about it before hand. i pondered and have made my decision to do it. :] i told 4 people about it. [yes, only four] because 1. they're REAL close. 2. i dont want ANYone to know. 3. they wont tell. so yes, only four. why these four? its because they are in my class and at the same time, like i said, the close ones. but i'll be telling my other close peeps [different classes] soon enough as well, probably this friday or something. why i dont want people knowing? well, simple really. to me, i dont want any unwanted and unnecessary attention. and no, the purpose of me doing it is NOT to show off. =.=' nothing to show really. its just a stud. a plain simple silver stud. i wanted to do it cause i think its fun and a way to show myself that ive grown by this much. [ i know it doesnt make any sense] but it does to me SOMEhow. i dont know why exactly but please bear with me. something like a item to remind me of the past doings and wrongs, and not repeating the same mistake kinda thing. so on the day i was suppose to do it, i had class and i was messing around and not talk cause it was 'practising' since i cant talk when i do it. [it'll swell up] and some people in my class misunderstood about it since they didnt know my intention and didnt like me being all quiet [ they thought i was trying to act cute =.=' ]. [ and they started backstabbing me about it] but luckily, i couldnt care less. :D i went straight home after school, i showered and got dressed up to go to a mall and do it, with a friend of mine to accompany me. i was so sure that im gonna do it with no doubt in my mind or heart at all. when we were in the cab, my friend was telling me all sorts of story about how her boyfriend's friends that did it said it was REALLY painful and that one even had a piercer accidentally pierced wrongly [ senget ] and it hit a vein, it wouldnt stop bleeding and had to be rushed into the hospital.  by then, i was having SOME doubts. [ who wouldnt ] we reached there around 5, near 6pm. we went straight to the shop and asked if i could have it done and a girl working there [ she was friendly ] asked if i could wait till 6.30pm for the piercer [ terence ] was currently doing a tattoo on another customer. i didnt mind, neither did my friend so we walked around till 6.30pm and went back to see if he was done. turns out we waited and waited till 7.50pm. terence was FINALLY [ thank god ] done with the tattoo. i sign some forms and was brought in to do it. he then wore his gloves and pulled my tongue out and showed me the needle. he told me to close my eyes and relax, i did. then the next thing i knew, he was done. just like THAT. [O.O!] i was like, ohmygod, that didnt hurt at ALL. i blame the stories for making me having second thoughts about it. then he told me about what to do and what not to. [ the aftercare tips ] when i reached home, i expected it to be swollen by the morning [ 2nd day ], but suprisingly, it didnt. but i could still speak well, but i was not allowed to talk when its healing [ one of the instructions ] so i had to keep quiet at school. [ not that i want to ] so i had to write on notes and pass it to my friend to 'talk' to her and the people in my class started doing what they're best at [ backstabbing ] towards my friend and i. falsely accusing the both of us of writing about them. [ which we didnt] they were sulking, talking, stare-ring, and basically, they hated it. with the added bonus of jealousy when we both got HIGHER scores than them in accounts. so it was like ' oil TOTALLY added into their so-called-fire'. and starting saying all sorts of crap they could think of with foul words. like  [ by the way, did i mention that they curse alot? WAY alot. not lying here. its like their life. they cant survive without it ] so yea, they were cursing 24/7. my friend wasnt in a good mood about it. but somehow, not even a SINGLE drop of anger nor hate was in me at all. no idea why. maybe cause i know what kind of girls they are, and most probably wont ever change. [ not a compliment ] and hey, i said PROBABLY. who knows.  they should learn how not to curse that much. control it yo. its not nice or good at all. like zip your mouth once in a while.  well, basically, thats it. for today. :D photos are belooooooooooooow. :]

how i wish i could surrender my soul.

how i wish i could scream out loud.

how i wish i could tell you what i felt.

how i wish i could go through the path of my life without feeling defeated.

how i wish i couldnt feel anything.

how i wish i could walk under the rain.

how i wish you'll let me breath.

how i wish you would make me see.

how i wish i could make YOU see.

how i wish i had my dream.

how i wish i had you.

how i wish i could hold you close.

how i wish.

how i wish.

wish.

♥

 

ωнєηdαякηєѕѕfαllυρσηмуєуєѕ, ιѕωнєηι'lldωєllιηαgσηуιηтнєfιєяуωιηgѕσfнєll. αηfαllєηαηgєlнєяєтσяєρєηт, αмι؟ нιм ; нєтσσкмутєαяѕαωαуαηdяєρlαcєѕιтωιтнαѕмιlєωιтнנυѕтσηєlσσкσfнιѕтσ∂αу. нιм ; мя.є∂ωιηgσн. мя.є∂ωιηgσн♥hearts&& ; sayarindusibodohsaya ; lettherainfall, iwontcarecausebeingwithyouisalliwant.

so whats the meaning of all this?

whyy are you asking me to go back to you?

whyy are you saying that you want me back?

whyy are you asking me to forgive you?

whyy are you telling me that youre sorry?

save it all.

cause,

you left me.

you turned your back and walked away.

so dont say you want me back and that you'll never leave me.

cause YOU LEFT ME.

and now,

im turning my back,

and im walking away.

im LEAVING you.

:)

ilovemyself.

notyou.

life wasnt that hard when i had you.

but life turn so mean to me when you walked away.

so would you be so dear and come back to me?

for the sake of life?

pretty please?

<3

youaskedmeifiwill.

wheniwonderedifyouweresincere.

youtoldmeyoulikeme.

andyouwillwaittilltheend.

butitendtothinkthatitisalie.

yousaidifidid,

you'lllovemeforever.

butifisaidno,

willyouleavemeallalone?

mymind'sinamess.

idontseemtothinkstraightnowadays.

butaspromised.

i'lltellyouonthedaywhenmylifebegan.

i'lltellyouonthe4th.

althoughistilldontknowwhattheanswerwillbe.

oh,ihopeyouaretruetome.

whichyoudidnotandwillnotlietome.

notnow.

notever.

lifewithoutrisksisnotlifeitselfbutshoulditakethisrisk?

thatmightbethebeginningofloveendingpain.

butontheotherhand,

itmightbethebeginningforaplannedend.

onethingthatsforsure,

imnotsureifilikeyou.

who's at fault?

you or me?

i think it's me.

it just gotta be me.

never once was i fair to you.

you were patient in a way,

against all my actions/emotions.

you were a blessing upon my life.

which in return,

was i a curse upon yours?

if reversing time was possible,

i would and change my mistakes.

but before turning to your time.

i would turn it to a time where i was most affected at.

if possible,

it would be when i was younger.

a mere year ago.

not much of time difference.

yet a huge difference in life of emotions.

but not getting far from you.

im sorry.

as i was nothing but pain upon you.

you may not forgive me.

as i dont intend of you forgiving me once more.

baby,

i'm so over you.

i loved you.

and i may not love others the way i loved you.

but i will still be over you.

and i will still love you.

the old you.

the you that i fell in love with is not who you are now.

so dont worry.

im in love with fragments of my memories.

not you.

;)

love,

me.

it seems that im missing you.

dont know why.

dont know how.

dont know when.

but all i know is that youre on my mind for the whole time.

once, twice, definitely more than three times.

it hurts when im missing you.

it really does.

i do wish i never knew you.

at all.

p.s: i miss you.

i = me.                       himm.

i love himm.      <3      i miss himm.

i found love but love hated me.

love found its own love.

and its not me.

love.