Sid Vicious
I kinda agree with what Sid said once, people said that it’s better stop or retired when you’re on top. Everyone will remember you as a great person, as a great athlete or something, no one will remember the downfall.
But as I grow older, my views are changed, though I prefer modified. Well, my relatives died recently, he was a great man, with great job and power. I knew him well, he was as old as my grand dad. I knew him from the day he was on top till the downfall.
A great man once, full of power as a rich man and great judge, till retirement and live a decent but modest life. I see a man change from somebody into nobody. But he accepted it, he enjoyed it, hell he even looks more happy to live a normal ordinary life than a rich man. It’s really soothing to see him smile in his cascade. I bet he live his life to the fullest and happy with it.
It reminds me that someday, maybe today maybe tomorrow, that I’m gonna be dead. How I’m gonna live my life. Who am I? I’m just like somebody else, common people with ordinary life, ordinary dream who probably died in ordinary way, hell I’m just a battery losing it’s power waiting the “empty” sign. It’s strange how I imagine we all just a battery that can’t be re-charged, just like a lesser being whose purpose just to support the superior race existence.
But then again, here I am, alive and well, it means something isn’t it? I’m here for a reason that I don’t know, and I remember all the death and birth in my life. And somehow I think I conclude a thought bout how I live my life. Just like when I see my cousin gave a birth to a beautiful son, the baby cried cuz he know he entered a war zone, drafted from a happy place, descent into a world full of sin. But we all smiled when we looking at him cried. Somehow we welcomed and embraced him into our world, told him that he’s not alone facing this world. That made me realize what is the most important things in this world, family, home, a sense of belonging. I wanna live my life to made them happy. I don’t care how petty I am, how awful my job is, as long as they are happy. To watch my offspring grow and became something, anything, as long they are happy and good. It’s strange to hear something like this came out from me, a commitment phobia and single fighter, but hell! I hope I’m old before I die, and I hope I had the chance to witness my offspring becoming something.
Yes I’ve heard the world are conspired, to steal away your God-given right of beautiful house and comfortable children next you sue them for abandoning you
Wiliam A. White
Recently in my country, there’s been quite an uproar because the exposed of a serial killer known as Ryan. This guy being nicknamed ad the butcher of Jombang (some city in Indonesia), Indonesian Jack the Ripper, etc. But the most interesting part is the fact that he is a gay, also most of his victim, which cornered gay community specifically.
Everyone seems wanna take some bites in this story. Everyone’s try to examine, to punish, or even just to make fun of his so called Ryan. People just blaming him for all his action, for his sexual orientation, the bottom line is, it’s Ryan fault all along that made him did what he did. People just blame him because he once a teacher that taught religion, because he once activist in the community, everyone just blame him cuz he once a perfect sample of individual, once.
Did everyone see something wrong in this picture? Ryan once a perfect sample of individual living in community, but he went the wrong way, so didn’t everyone just try to ask why? There’s suppose an explanation, some motives (well he said he killed his last victim cuz he felt some jealousy) for everything right? It’s kinda hard for some “straight” guy just to, well go “crack”, for nothing. There’s gotta be some explanation here.
I’d be honest and say that I kinda enjoyed to see some guy/gal “fall from grace” and succumbed into the land of filth (the hentai stuff really, or just how Joker changed Harvey dent into two face in the “dark knight”). There’ some sort of awe to see how something so pure turned into tainted, cuz it takes some ground-breaking reason for something like that to happen, it takes a brilliant mind, a shocking revelation that could make a guy “crack”.
Bruce Wayne, “Dead Shot”, Batman, Gotham Knight
I’d just realize this (after playing shooting game in arcade and try air soft gun), I love gun. The bigger they are, the better they feel. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think everyone have the same tendency as well. Just looks how kids love to play cop & thief (cowboy or Indian, etc you name it), how kids just love to hold a gun, to aim it to another person, “bang-bang”, it feels good if you shoot it (I don’t know if this tendency also apply to girl). It feels like second nature isn’t it? You held it, and you just know what to do, shoot it.
It’s not like I love shooting people or stuff (well I enjoy it in video game or in role play), or I love to intimidate others, but I think everyone loves gun. For some, it means as a tool of power, the proof of superiority, the distinctive feature that separate the predator from the hunted, the alpha-male attachment that were engraved within our body from the dawn of history of mankind (I also think this would also apply to the girl, I mean the female of the species is more deadly than the male, nature taught as that fact). For others, it serves as a protection, and unlike other tool of protection such as knife, you don’t need to know how to use it well (like how to twist it, how to stab right, etc), all you need is jut to pull the trigger, and the rest is just, well smooth ride into the unknown.
No matter what the reason is, to equip a gun, is a very lethal temptation. Why we carry a gun from the start? A gun is meant to be shot, it is it’s destiny, to serve it’s purpose. To deny it it’s a strange thing. Just like a blade, a knife, it mean to cut, to slice, to thrust, not just to be carried for nothing, or maybe it’s just a fashion statement that you, who carry it is a bad ass? Just like candle that meant to be burned and vanish, to held a gun is to shoot at something, even if you just shooting up in vain.
I mean, it’s not like we are a bunch of smart people or some cool gang or something, it’s just how the world are so easy back then. The world seems so simpler, and we still believe that everything can happen when you believe. Every time you made a mistake it’s just a lesson learned. Everyday is a new day tomorrow will be better than today. Hell I even still love Disney’s movies (it’s not like it’s bad or something, it’s just that now I know that the happily ever after, the ending part is just the beginning of something, which is a never ending cycle story that usually tends to get sucks with each sequel, but that’s what life is isn’t it?).
As we sat down on some restaurant and have a little chat about what happen when we went high school, went to college, and eventually how the real world hit us with reality bites. The supposed to be happy reunion turns into a massacre, a funeral.
My friend told me that now he joined me to the dark side and turns into a wage slaves and corporate robot, just like me, and stop chasing his dream as a racer (amateur that is, the street illegal type). He realize that being a racer is not enough to support his life, and now he started to think about marriage, he afraid that he can’t support his soon-to-be-family. There’s to much uncertainty, and insecurity.
My other friend told me that he gave away his dream to open a hobby shop (comics and figures shop), well he once opened a shop. But then he realize that there is something more than just to live a dream, once you achieved it, comes the hardest part, maintain it. And that is what happens, he went broke. He gave me an advice, “don’t make you’re hobbies as a job. You’ll end up hating it. The once unconditioned love will turn into some profit – loss calculation which only ends up to , stress, hatred. And we all know how thin is the line between love and hate Aditya my friend.”
Maybe it’s because the modern age, maybe it’s because we just being ignorant and don’t give a damn about others, maybe it’s because everytime I watch / read the news all that we see is a bad news (which is a good news actually, it makes you want to watch / read it doesn’t it, others pain and agony are our pleasure to watch). We just lose hope on humanity. I don’t even think that we are still maintains a humanity inside of us.
We just like a machine, we do chores, we do routines, we get up early, went to do a living, sleep, wakes up and just do it all over again (even if you try some variety in the job desc to spice things a little). Our soul are shattered by everyday life and experience, reality took our virginity, our hopes and dream. We just like a zombie, a robot.
We don't care about others, we became ignorant, we became to comfort of our own zone. We all just plain individual, not a social creature anymore.
Maybe that’s why people do crazy things, just like what happen in Akihabara district in Tokyo Japan (the killing spree, or the stab fest that happen in one of the most modern mecca for some people like gamer or cosplayer). That guy just went berserk and kill people because he just don’t know what to do, he feels helpless, no one cares for him. He feels like a failure because he failed his exam, he living a mediocre life, he even said “I’m just a trash, no even worse, cuz trash can be recycled and I’m not”.
Ah, tis’ the season of sorrow. It seems that death is all around. My friend is dead. My future father in law (cuz my sisiter ain’t mary his son yet) are also dead. And I realize that death are inevitable, we all are nothing but a mere battery that it’s life span are already decided or determined. When our power bar are over, there’s no turning back, ain’t no charger can save us.
It’s sad that we, as a creature are disposable, if being compared to battery. And it’s make me wonder wether our life is really precious, or worth living for, because, it seems that when we we’re dead, we’re just dead. A pound of flesh, just a pile of garbage corpes, tec, yada-yada-yada.
Enough with the gloomy parts, what I found interesting about death, is the funeral, especially in my friends funeral. My friend are always considering thet death are something fascinating, he likes something flashy and glamour, so just like Sid Vicious of Sex Pistol said “Live fast die young”. And this guy just like me, we ain’t tainted by harsh reality, we could reserve our so-called innocence (I remember when we were asked who do you wanna grown up to be? I said Batman, he said Superman, while every other kids are polluted by material thought and earthly possesion such as being a millionere, businessman, doctor, etc. Or probably we just a dork or something). He is the type of guy who always ready to be dead at every moment in his life (whether he is ready to be out runned by a bus and his dead body are almost impossible to be identified is a question that I can’t answer). He even already prepared his funeral anthem “I have a dream” by ABBA (odd choice if you ask me).
Jim Carrey, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”
Another valentine day comes and go, and here I am still alone on a day where everyone should cherish the so called love. It’s not like I’m agree with Jim Carrey. It’s just like I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Or probably I’m just to busy playing my role as corporate robot and slaves wages that I sacrifice my personal life in the pursuit of some materialistic pleasure.
But that is exactly the problem, not too busy being slaves and all that, probably I set my standard too high, or maybe because I don’t believe in the thing called love, at least love at first sight, I think lust at first sight is more suitable. Honestly, first impression leaves a marks right? And the first thing we saw when meeting someone new is their appearance, their looks, physically. Is that a lust or what?
And I stroll the avenue looking for something to eat in 02.45 in the morning (thnx 4 da freakin job that is), my only option is a fast food restaurant (I won’t mentioned it due to copyright issue, but it start with the letter M, McLovin? Who am I kidding just read the title probably most of you already know the restaurant). Due to the short amount of cash I equipped, I could only afford happy meal©.
I’m sick and tired with how people said that the music scenes nowadays aren’t as good as the good old days. How today’s musicians is just aiming for popularity or fame, not for the love of the music. The list of the grumpy old man who claimed to have the rights to critics is endless.
I don’t know about this, but back in 2003 when Rolling Stone magazine put the Beatles on the cover, for a record that was recorded 30 years ago that somehow released today. It makes me think, “Am I the only one in this god-forsaken world who sick and tired of the Beatles?” (I know they’re good, but come on, enough of it) That moment is exactly told us that there is nothing going on in the world of music. It implies that the only good things around is music from thousand of years ago or something.
They say that MTV change the music industry “Video killed the radio star” (we still listen to Radio right?), musician that once said “listen to my music”, now said “look at me, not my music”, etc. They say they miss the good old day, the excitement of music, they said that if something become industry, it start to lose it magic, well hello, we all have to eat ya’ know, and music, just like everything else, is industry who feed millions of people. The only explanation to this is the fact that they come first, period. Today’s musician is labeled as copycat since there’s nothing left to do anymore. The pioneer takes em’ all and leave us with nothing left, or only little room to explore.
And if there is a justice, what kind of it? We know that there are lots of types, distributive justice, etc. My friend said that justice is when some one is getting their rights, what they deserve, but could it be done? Look it this way, two people, train hard everyday to win a boxing match, but at the end, there can be only one. The other must fall. Is that justice? Two of them have rights to win the battle, two of them are train hard for it.
God created man, individually unique to set a difference between them, to set a boundary, one ugly, one good looking, one is smart, the other idiot, etc. We created differently so we can feel better if the other is less fortunate than us. But human always try to make us less special with saying, “everyone is special”, which is just another way to say that no one is special. Maybe because human it’s a social creature, communal, so human always try to create equality.
It’s always amaze me how some nation believe that the people should rule the country, I mean, if the majority is rules, who will they ruled, who will they lead? Minority? They are worthless cuz the will of the people is already decided in the first hand, there’s no need for opposition, for check and re-check, check and balance, etc.