From the beginning I knew, that there’s nothing WRONG with you…that I can’t fix…with my Hands-Batman - Batman : The Dark Knight Returns, Book Three, “Hunt the Dark knight”

If you love Batman, or any other Super Hero story, you knew that most of the main character become Super Hero cuz they think, or they believe that the authority can’t do things right, such as serves the justice right. So they take matters with their own hand. Thus the term vigilante was born.

That condition, when people think that authority can’t do things right and people take matters with their own hand, is a rare thing to be seen nowadays. Most people become apathy-like knowing that this world is hard to change, or at least to be suits to our ideal state of mind.

Or the other reason we become apathy is cuz we already give our right or privilege to our congressman or to our senator or any other form of institution that work on our behalf (which somehow the people that we chose, whether it was with our own conscious or even cuz we chose it cuz we have no other option, rather than abstain and lose our right to protest the government policy, well I believe that if we abstain or not using our right, we lose our right to protest the government policy which is resulted by the very own government that we chose with or to our self didin’t work for our behalf).

The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement

William Shakespeare

When God didn’t like what he created, he washed it all away forty days and nights. I will do it in three.

Magneto – “Ultimatum” Vol. 1

 So, I‘m on the verge of nervous breakdown and finally reach my limit and somehow managed to get infected with “lust of power syndrome” (OK I made that up, still sounds cool though). This so called life has pitted me against everything I ever stands for. Sometimes I’d like to know what I’m fighting for before I die, did I fight for a lost cause? Some people chose their outlet for outrage on someone else (the path of destruction) and someone else chose to hide their rage away from the world and keep it to themselves (like me). The latter one is the one who has tendency to blow like an atomic bomb.

Just like the shooting spree in U.S.A. or unintentional killing by loved one in the fits of rage, this is what drives me in the first place to blog my thoughts (under the tag of dangerous mind”) cuz it’s some outlet of rage for me to cope with the office-life world, when people has to compromise their idealism in order to survive in this crazy cruel world. And somehow my works as human resources didn’t help me to reduce the stress I’m in.Sure it’s fun to meet a new recruit (along with each individual uniqueness, sometimes with their good looking ness ^_^). And you know what makes life as human resources so hard? People have high expectancy on us, but human resources never have enough recognition or acknowledgement cuz it’s all in day’s job (not to be called an achievement). So of course there will be a time when one reach it limit and about to blow up, but don’t worry, it’s not like I’m gonna go on a killing spree or something. Just like I said before, blog it’s the outlet of my outrage, so I’m just try to cope with life, with a blog (did it work? I don’t know).

My friend: “Damn! I miss my evening prayer (Sholat Isya in Moslem term),”Me: “It’s OK dude. Your holiness must understand it if you are really forgot about it and will forgive you if you didn’t do the same thing again (pun intended honestly)”.My friend: “Damn man! To hear that from an atheist guy like you. You’ll probably an agnostic not an atheist. You believe in God but didn’t believe in the way to worship him. You’re still looking for a suitable religion for you.”

A conversation between me & my friend in some restaurant after watching some concert in Bandung 2005

 That conversation was my first encounter with the term “agnostic”; of course it’s intrigued me (a lot, since I’m determined to google it). So, after google it, read it, etc, I came with some simple and easy explanation of “agnostic” from Bertrand Russell's (a 20^th century philosopher, no pun intended for Harry Potter and that stone of his) 1947 pamphlet, Am I An Atheist Or An Agnostic? (subtitled A Plea For Tolerance In The Face Of New Dogmas), he ruminates on the problem of what to call himself: 

As a philosopher, if I were speaking to a purely philosophic audience I should say that I ought to describe myself as an Agnostic, because I do not think that there is a conclusive argument by which one can prove that there is not a God. On the other hand, if I am to convey the right impression to the ordinary man in the street I think I ought to say that I am an Atheist, because when I say that I cannot prove that there is not a God, I ought to add equally that I cannot prove that there are not the Homeric gods. 

What a mess, life turns out to be, it was at its best when you were only three. We can stow with all the things that turn us out and we can go write down the list and throw it out, can we start over? Cuz it’s over..,

Abandoned Pools, Start Over

Kristen Stewart

Don’t you think that this life is some sort of cheesy sequel episodes of soap opera that will never ending? I mean is a cycle of never ending story. Unlike fairy tale where the story ends with happy ending, our life story is a happy (n) ever after. It is just a battle after another battle, after another battle. We only gain a shallow victory. Once a battle win, there’s another battle waits.

Disagree? Let me put it this way, since I know how high expectation can lead to a stressful condition, I gave you a solid example, me. I was born as a boy, who is rare occasion in my family, so I was destined to bear the weight of the world on my shoulder (OK, Maybe a little exaggerated, but that’s how exactly my father want me to be, in father and son conversation). I was expected to be a doctor, but my brain ain’t big enough so I choose social study (which is quite a blow to my dad, and he didn’t mad, but have that clincher line “I’m not mad son, just disappointed,” ouch), so I passed to college without my father consent. At least it was some sort of triumph for a works that didn’t approve by your parent, at least he was proud for a moment (sorry I can’t be perfect dad).

The Music Industry can make you feel like a prostitute

Jonathan Davis – Korn

At 6^th to 8^th of August, Java Rockin’ Land was held in Jakarta (Lovely city, my city), at Ancol Festival Beach. Well, to sum it all, I could say that this is Woodstock Festival ala Indonesia where you pay one price for many artists, great bargain if you ask me. Festival for all, no VIP, no tribune just live music, and it held on a beach, very awesome if you ask me, we all just bunch of music lover.

But the problem is, just like any other festival in the world, name it, Rock in Rio, Woodstock, Summer Sonic, too many stage and sometimes head 2 head schedule between band (especially if you like both performer) is occured. Which is what happens here, Java Rockin’ Land provide Indonesian Band and also International Artist such as “Mew”, “Vertical Horizon”, “Mr. Big”, etc (they clash the schedule sometimes). What is the problem you ask me? Well for one, sometimes it’s hard for a band just to enter the festival, and if you a small not known yet band, you can’t bargain the schedule.

FYI : I saw the festival 2 days only, on 6^th and 8^th, not because the 7^th is bad, I don’t have the money for daily pass (I get the 6^th for free from my cousin, her picture on top, and on 8^th my lovely cousin paying for me, yes I’m gonna pay her back next month). On 6^th I saw band called “Drew”, they only got one single so far, so they covering Allanis Morissete (which is very awesome cover and also awesome performance from Drew, they are a very excellent live band), oh and their single is rather Jazzy-Pop so it kinda make sense they covering Allanis. The bad thing is, I came late, the festival kick-start at 16:00 but I came at 19:30-something so I watch them late, and they are pitted against Melee (the band from America which their single “Built to last” and “If you can’t hold on” quite popular plus they are international performer). So as a new band with only one single and performing in small stage (in the entrance and on the corner of the area), they are kinda left in the shadows. But I chose to watch them out of curiosity (and I don’t really like Melee, not my cup of tea), and yes, they took me by surprises with their amazing performance and boom, I’m their fans now.

Takeru Yamato…I was gifted with really tall height for Japanese and got great physical abilities through a Hellish training. But…I couldn’t run faster than anyone else, I couldn’t be more powerful than anyone else. A jack of all trades but a mster of none.e were the “cards” that were dealt to me.

Takeru Yamato, Eyeshield 21

Recently, I just realized, from watched sport channel (also non-stop comic marathon of Slam Dunk and Eyeshield 21), that there are some people, or most people to be exact, that are not favored by God. No, it’s not like some reward or punishmnet from heaven or divine intervention, it’s far from divinity people. Look at this way, how many good or talented player out there? A lot, but there can be only one and all for the winner is what aplied to this world. Jason Kid for instance, or Kevin Garnett, I mean they are excellent player but probably history won’t remember them as a great player since they never won as NBA Champion. We probably just remembered those who won the championship such as Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, etc. My Dad says, “they were born on a wrong era where the other guy reign’s supreme”. Right man in the wrong time? How convenient if this could aplied in other aspect in life, such as when I got bad grade in Math, “Dad, everyone else also gets a bad grade. The test is too hard”, probably my dad will say, “Oh, so if others commit mass suicide, you’ll do it to huh?”. Damn parents with their American style double standard.

Albus Dumbledore –Harry Potter

I should’ve wrote this last November when I’m having my 25^th birthday, but somehow I just don’t think that being 25 years are something special at that moment (I just live for today, and considering that every moment is treasure and none is better than the other). So what’s triggered me to write this? Well, recently my friend resign from his job (slave to wages and corporate robot) to became a librarian (suits his education background anyaway), lots of people said that his moves are crazy, how come he sacrifice a chance to became permanent public employee for a contract job as a librarian? Well, first his wage is bigger (most people said that this is just temporary “cure” for his financial situation, that if he patient to wait and stay, he will gain a stable job for the rest of his life), second this is the job that suits his education background and his interest.

Personaly, I support his decision, no matter how wrong or stupid his action (he is running away from his old job and from his responsible), at least he chose, unlike the rest of us (well. Actually not choose also a choice right?). His action triggered me to write this, suddenly I realize that I also has to act, I’m not young anymore, I’m 25 years old. The age limit to apply as a staff level job is 26 years old. The clock is ticking is for me. Did I chose a right job for the rest of my life? Should I move and start all over again (considering applying as a staff in other company is new start, literally, since my work background still one year experience, pre-requirement for a special hire or senior staff needs 2 year experience).