Considering that I have significantly less gossip fodder, I find myself wishing that I had a snazzy new camera to record the somewhat interesting going-ons of my mundane life.
And lo and behold! The Nokia N70 is the answer... I'm no longer a tech bottom feeder... Or so I thought...
One week of frenetic (and mildly obessesive) photo taking later, I finally get around to installing the software... I install, restart PC and plug in phone.
Nothing happens... OK, maybe I goofed... Uninstall, shutdown, install, restart PC and plug in phone.
Still nothing happens! OK, let's try the above again... throw in Windows updates, virus scans...
Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero.
I try downloading from Nokia website and reinstalling.
I even read ALL the damn instructions as a last resort.
Repeat all of the above over the course of ONE WEEK...
KNNCCB! F**K! F**K! !#$%^^&!!! FRUS! FRUS! FRUS!!!!!! I HATE NOKIA AND BILL GATES AND BLOODY GODDAMN WINDOWS!!! *More Hokkien expletives follow*
*breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out*
Finally, finally... thank god... on this wonderful night... I turn my phone off and back on again...
It works... I just don't understand why they neglected to mention that in ANY OF THE BLOODY INSTRUCTIONS!!
Like, hello!!!! Important step! As Dr Evil would say "I'm the boss... Need the info."
My cosmic cousin has brought my attention to the the most abused word in the civil service... and probably in general business language in Sinagpore.
My curiosity piqued, I checked up the meaning of this oft-abused word and it means:
re·vert:
(1) To return to a former condition, practice, subject, or belief.
(2) Law. To return to the former owner or to the former owner's heirs. Used of money or property.
(3) Genetics. To undergo reversion.
This puzzled me.
Many people use it to mean "I will get back to you" in their correspondence, but search as I may, I could not find that definition for this strange word.
Then it hit me... Of course! It doesn't mean "I will get back to you"... it means, "I will completely ignore/disregard your request and continue on with the former condition, practice, subject, or belief".
So, to clarify matters, here's a translation of a typical correspondence:
Customer: Your opening hours are stated as 9am to 5pm from Mondays to Fridays. But I was turned away when I showed up at 4.32pm on Wednesday to collect my parcel. The front desk clerk claimed you were closed and turned me away.
Administrative Asshole: Thank you for your feedback. We will take into consideration your comment and revert shortly.
(Translation: You are such a whining piece of scum. We could care less that you are inconvenienced. Don't you know that we stop working an hour before the "official" closing time so we can have our coffee and cake and bitch about shits like you. I will completely ignore what you are saying and bog your complaint down in so much red tape that my superior will never ever see it. Then we will "return to our former condition, practice, subject, or belief". Thank you and have a nice day dipshit!)
First of all, the taxi reeked of stale cigarette smoke. Hell, I'm a chain smoker, but this was really bad... like the interior had been a hotboxing venue for the past decade.
Next was the driver's body odour. There's BO, then there baaaad BO. Seriously now, a cab driver is as sedentary a job as it gets. You sit all day in air-conditioned comfort. How does one sweat?!! Take it from me, it was really, really, really, really smelly.
Right... so I tell taxi-driver uncle (in Mandarin because it seems he doesn't speak English, and what Mandarin he's speaking is incomprehensible): "Uncle, at the traffic light in front, turn RIGHT."
Several metres from the traffic light: "Uncle, remember, turn RIGHT at the traffic light, we are going by Queensway."
Taxi-Driver Uncle: "OK."
Me: "TURN RIGHT! TURN RIGHT!"
Ladies and gentlemen, we have just turned left.
He then proceeds to drive me to a dead-end on Portsdown Road (where Starhub is), and all this while, I'm suffocating in the smoke and BO atmosphere of the cab.
Kill me... I just want to die.
Finally, after the amazing race around the central-west area of Singapore, I finally spill out of the cab, gasping for fresh air.
The total count on the fare is $7 for what is usually a $4 cab ride.
And if you'd excuse me now, I need to throw up and scrub myself with disinfectant.
I love my Colorsplash Lomo camera.
I know it's so cult iconic and all... but really, I love it because it's a shameless shade of pink and that it's the antithesis of seriousity and the paragon of frivolity!
What I love most is the fact that it uses film. I think the romance and anticipation has gone out of photography with the rise of the digital camera.
With film, you shoot and shoot and hope for the best. I never know how it's going to turn out until the film is developed. Sometimes it's all shit, but sometimes, I get a beautiful, unexpected surprise. Best of all, I experience the moment without getting caught up in making sure I caught the moment (?)... and long after it's gone, I re-live it again when I see the images developed on prints.
Sure, with digicams I get instant gratification and get to delete a yucky shot straightaway (the curse of the closed eyes). Keep going till I get the perfect one, and every imperfection is erased.
It's a great metaphor for dating isn't it? It's the thrill of the chase that makes it so exciting. It's not knowing what's behind the layers of the other person, and elation of discovering something new every day. It's about trying again despite failures, until it's right.
Do we really want perfection? To know exactly what you're getting upfront? Is instant gratification at all satisfying?
I don't think so.
I like not knowing.
I like trying to get it right when something goes wrong.
I like imperfection.
I like surprises.
And I love how wonderful things can happen without you even trying.
Imagine a nice sunny day, and I've just bought a steaming latte and a delicious chicken salad. I sit down to enjoy my lunch with a newspaper in hand then I spot this!
Really... it's just downright not nice. I suppose everyone has the right to wear whatever they want, but this is just cruel and unusual punishment. Now I know why Levi's don't make hipster jeans in sizes larger than 29.
Just kidding... if you know whose blog this is, lemme know because I want to credit and link.
Original post:
i saw revenge of the sith last weekend at a local theater with my friend joe who was in town on business. it was much better than the first two movies and a fitting end (err.. middle) to the star wars saga.
the next day i was walking past my friendly dvd salesperson and decided to check out revenge of the sith. i was assured the quality was good and for 7rmb why not give it a shot.
aside from the counters on the top of the screen and a distorted perspective it was ok- not high quality but watchable. the captions were a hilarious surprise- a direct english translation of the chinese interpretation of what the script was saying. it varied from being somewhat close to the script to being 'far far away'....
amazingly enough, the beginning scroll is mistranslated even though the words are right there on the screen.
star war (just one)
'the backstroke of the west' is the english translation of the chinese title.
Why God why? We were assaulted by the Para Para squad on the weekend at Orchard Cineleisure. It's as if the arcade on the 4th floor is the mecca for all para-spirers.
This podgy guy for example... as the music started, he got his mojo going. You could see him gathering all his chi, loosening up and getting his jive-thang on. He pulled a classic "eye-peep" (aka the John Travolta move in Pulp Fiction) for an energetic opening, then followed with some Beyonce-style booty shaking. The grand finale was a tremendous "reach for the sky" move.
Thunderous applause resonated all around (as did his fat rolls).
I lost my appetite and silently cursed the concessionaire for selling five-dollar popcorn.
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. *Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into"special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake)
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business"
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes
Yes, she is. Right, that is. Men want to marry good girls.
They will play around with the bad, exciting girls. But at the end of the day, they're looking for a sweet girl-next-door who:
1) Can cook
2) His mum likes
3) Is potentially a good mother
Now, this sounds really old-fashioned and somewhat chauvinistic I admit. I can just hear the protests now... "What about chemistry?", "What about intelligence and having her own opinion?" and "Isn't being equal partners more important?"
But the funny thing is that the old-fashioned qualities of a woman becomes much more important when looking for a life partner, and things like looks, excitement and sexual chemistry take a backseat.
As Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman says so aptly, "I'm a bum magnet". Man, was I ever. If there was a bad boy with a chip on his shoulder within a 10km radius, I'd instantly be attracted to him. Better if he has tattoos, deep emotional issues and socially-unacceptable behaviour. Being the kind of man that my parents would hate would be a bonus.
They were exciting to begin with, but soon, all the things about them that excited me would be the things I despised about them. Their points of attractions would eventually be their weaknesses.
Could I see any of them being a good husband? No. Could I see them as raising my children? Definitely not!
And so, listen to your mother. There's quite a bit of wisdom if you can just get past the shrill nagging.
Thanks mum...