I remember when I was in kindergarten there was this boy I had a crush on. He is really cute(and so am I. :p*lolz*).We were seatmates then and we became close friends because our mothers are also good friends. But then I lost communications with him because I skipped "Prep." And jumped into grade one. After several years,our paths crossed again. Our mothers accidentally bumped into each other,and because we're with them at that moment,they introduced us again to each other. I was really embarassed and confused at that time because his mom kept on teasing him to me. After parting ways, I asked my mom why is his mom like that.. So she told me that when we were stil in kindergarten,they both agreed that we will get married when we reach the right age. WTF?!! Are they crazy??? I don't want a fixed marriage!I'm not even chinese and besides that is sooo old fashioned!but then my mom said that those were juz one of their wildest dreams and she's not serious with it anymore(thank God!). Anyway,after that embarassing encounter I had with him I never heard anything about him anymor.then recently,I was searching for my former classmate's friendster acct I opened his by mistake(they happend 2 have d same name).I told my mom about it and she said maybe its destiny..and she suggested that since were both single,we should go out.I can't blieve her she stil fancies me getting married with that guy!he's still cute though! :p should I give it a shot? *lolz*

Men who act MACHO have big insecurities.

Men with big insecurities most probably have small feet. 

And you know what they say about men with small feet?

---they have small D*CK(s)!

i really hate men who brag about their sex life!

OMG! I think im having a nervous breakdown! I dont want to go to Jose Reyes! that's where my whirl-wind romance begun! I'm scared! i might see that stupid internship syndrome I had! gosh! im not prepared to see him again... im not even prepared for the interrogations they have for me! what shud I do??? i have no choice,i have to go there for my hospital clearance.. damn! why is applying for a TOR this hard? and why shud a TOR be a requirement for the board exam? huhuhu! well, gudluck to me! anyway, I believe that I wont get to see him there 2mrw! (i am keeping my fingers crossed)

LSS: samson "you are my sweetest downfall,I loved you first...

" ang tao matalino pero pagdating s pag-ibig nagiging bobolahat sinusuko. tulad ko, kapag puso ang pinagusapan pti prinsipyo nkakalimutan. Hindi ko mahagap ang sagot,bkit nga b ngayon masakit p rin ang lahat? kung susumahin mo nga,mabibilang lang s daliri ng aking mga kamay ang mga pagkakataon n naging masaya ako s piling mo. lahat hiram pa. marahil tinatanong m rin ito s sarili mo kung bkit s kabila ng pait at kalungkutan n idinulot mo, heto ako, parang asong kumakawag p rin ang buntot pra syo. dapat nga nagmatigas ako noon pa dahil yun ang tama pero ang puso ko parang bingi s mga utos ng aking utak,ayaw sumunod. marahil s sobrang pagmamahal syo ay tila naging pipi at paralitiko n rin ito,nagtiis at hindi rin ginawa pang dumaing.dapat nga nging maluwag pa ang pagtanggap ko s paghihiwalay ntin.hindi nga ba at ako naman ang madalas n gustong mkipagkalas syo? dahil gusto kong tumakas, iwan at talikuran itong ating mgulong pag-ibig. s pageksena n robie,ngsilbi syang isang kurtina s entablado ng ating pagmamahalan,tinapos nya ang ating dula-dulaan. hindi kita niloko.ipinaliwanag ko nmn ang lahat. maari p sanang magkaroon ng ikalawang yugto ang kwento pero hindi mo ko pinakinggan. siguro ay hirap kang paniwalaan ito, dahil takot k rin s sarili mong multo. sa pagtalikod mo s kin, isa lang ang napagtanto ko. hindi mo ko minahal. siguro ang mga masayang alaala n ating pinagsaluhan ay iyong paraan lamang upang masuklian ang taong, umalo at kumalinga s puso mong nangungulila.marahil ang totoong masakit ay hindi ang pagtalikod mo kundi ang katotohanan n kahit minsan hindi naging akin ang puso mo. ikaw lang ang nakakaalam ng totoo mong nadama pero gusto ko rin mlaman. ngunit paano?sarado n ang ating mga pintuan. darating din ang panahon n malalaman ko ang kasagutan. s ngayon,hahayaan ko n lang n ang kapalaran ang magbulong nito syo..

pinapapalaya n kita xerxes...

"Call it wishful thinking, but I’ve always imagined us finally being together – with me unhindered by any worry, not bothered by spells of insecurity and fear. I’ve always kept my hopes up for an eternity with you. It became the thought that would keep me out of depression. I would entertain myself and whoever would listen with my wishful interpretation of ‘our’ story. But in my solitude, I knew I wasn’t part of your life.

I’ve long been deluding myself that you loved me – even for a single moment in our past – and that in the end, it would be me and you. And I’ve long realized that there’s neither much truth nor hope to those notions. I’ve told myself over and over again that I won’t care for you.

But you remain to be the indelible weakness in me. I end up giving myself all over again.

And you always end up needing me for a mere moment again."

this is an excerpt from an article contributed by gesundheit of PEYUPS.

id like to share this because i am moved by how she exactly put into words the feelings she has right now and as if she was speaking in behalf of me. gesundheit,i understand you.I deeply understand where you are coming from right now. I believe that there's someone out there,he's not better but he is different than our  "indelible weakness". I know that there is that one man who can take our many-times-broken heart and magically, effortlessly make it as whole and as bouncy as it could ever be.

i was on  duty yesterday.. i spent 16 hours in the medical laboratory. being a medical technologists is really tiring but it is fulfilling. last nyt wasnt like the usual  scenarios in the lab, it wasnt "TOXIC" so my staff and I had the chance to carry a decent conversation. we talked about our ex boyfriends,how they kept us hangin',how they left us so messed up. with our chat I am quite convinced that men(most) are really such good liars! and cheaters! Men have this concept that it's better to lie than to hurt his girlfriend. naaAH! thats bullshit! if you really want to split with her,juz tell her  e.g: "kinnie, I dont  love you anymore. lets stop seeing each other." see? whats so hard about that? the girl will surely be hurt,will be devastated or even angry for a while. that's a normal response.dont ever resort to cheating juz to get out of the relationship that u are currently  in. and dont ever think that its ok to lie juz to spare her feelings, i mean if you deeply care about her then give her the dignity that she deserves and that includes her knowing the truth. and if you think that lying will lessen the pain and will make you end up being friends even after the break-up? you are totally wrong! coz sooner or later she will find out the truth and she will hate you even more. so, guys be man enough to tell the truth...

 to all mah ladies out there, do you agree with me?

damn! im too tired to blog...

ive been doing  medical missions for the past 3 days.. very tiring.

but why am I still wide awake?????

i juz want an 8 whole hours of sleeep.... 

help!

my insomnia will kill me sooooon.

I woke up late this afternoon. it was raining heavily ,some people hate it..

me? i love the rain.there is something about it that makes you sentimental,it makes you feel..

it brought back memories that i tried to bury six feet under. they are not good memories..they are sad, painful and bitter. it hurts remembering the emotions that goes with every memory.  i've been awake for quite sometime but I couldnt leave from the comfort of my bed..my knees are weak,my eyes are filled with tears. i miss him.

as i glance into  the mirror,a familiar thing beside it caught my eye. its my treasure chest. the place where i kept all the items significant to us. I unconsciously smiled upon looking at each memorabilia= the cute cellphone accessory,the boxes and the wrappers of the chocolates that he gave me,the purple pillow, the stuffed pig,the gray hanky,his loveletter, our picture. there's nothing much to see in there.

i shouldnt have kept them..  a mockery of my relationship,constant reminders of what I didnt had==his whole heart. that was all I ever wanted..

 

i consider my self to be an optimist. I have faith in people and I  always look at the bright side of the story.

December of year 2006 my mother revealed to us about the great financial distress that my family is into. We are a victim of a pyramid scam.  the person who she invested our money with run away and left us with almost 4 million pesos worth of debt in the company she is currently working in. my mom was the vice president of a big company in taguig.and though she earns a lot,she is the breadwinner of the family and her job is the sole source of our income.the company has to cut it down to be able to pay for the big debt leaving us with only 10 percent of her total monthly salary. not only that, the company took our 1 million savings,that money was supposed to put me in med school.my mom said that our sufferings will continue til march of year 2008. til then we have to tighten our belts to be able to survive. the preceeding months are really difficult. i am not used to living in a simple world. my glam starts to disappear, so are my friends.  as an optimist i tried to look for the good in it.  it made me realize that im still lucky, i still have my family and a good boyfriend. later on,our situation grew from bad to worst. our phone line was cut off, our cable service was disconnected beause we cant afford to pay for it anymore and our allowances was cut down into half. Because my boyfriend and I barely communicate now (we have a long distance love affair), our relationship grew cold.  and with one simple misunderstanding, it ended. now, my life sucks! I am broke and now dont have a boyfriend! has God turned His back on me?should I stop being hopeful and start being a pessimist?

as days passes by,it is still hard but we are getting used to with this humble life we are living right now.and though for a while i lost my faith in people and all I see is negativity,I came to a realization that this twist of fate has taught me a lot: i now know how to cook,eat vegetables that i really hate, ride a jeepney instead of a cab,go bargain hunting, save money and spend it wisely,to be thankful for the simple things that i do not notice before.it showed me who my real friends are and the people who will be there even if im penny-less. and most of all, it taught me to just hold on to God and call on His name in times where almost despair prey upon my soul.

"when the values for  a particular analyte is determined over the time periods..and these values are plotted as a function of time, then these values may distribute themselves randomly about the mean or they may fall away from the mean exhibiting a systematic pattern. random deviations are thus called random error. whereas deviations that show a pattern are called systematic error. the latter may indicate a correctable fault in the methodology.."===John Bernard Henry's definition of systematic error.

my lovelife has been a systematic error.. same reasons,very predictable errors.  and like in clinical diagnosis it is a fault in the methodology but it can still be corrected.

FAULT IN THE METHODOLOGY.methods on what?--handling the relationship?

so, i tried to assess myself:

did i really made a mistake in handling our relationship? was i too tight or was i too loose? did i gave less or did i gave too much? did i argued with him too often or was i too submissive? i cant tell. what i know is that ive been patient and understanding enough to constantly forgive all his shortcomings.

my head is plagued with questions of what went wrong with my relationship. every night,before i sleep,i  look back at things and try to search for the answer. its been 7 long months but still---NADA! not  a single explanation for all the pain iv been going through.

but maybe the real error was my method of choosing the person to love...

from the start,i know it is wrong. but i gambled. hoping that love might prevail in my particular case.but it didnt.i, myself cant believe that i have fallen for a guy whos already committed. I wanted to believe that they wer juz coincidences but this is the third time. see? it strongly suggests that my lovelife is a systematic error.

So when will I learn? how can my errors be fixed?

i dont know. i am a MEDICAL TECHNOLOGIST but i cannot troubleshoot myself