We do almost everything that lovers do
And that's why it's hard just to be friends with you
Every time your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know that it hurts me too
It's hard to wipe your tears away
Knowing that you should be with me
Now tell me why
Why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why
Everytime I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends
I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really loved cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool girl not to say
If I'm always scared, I'll lose you anyway
Somehow somewhere I've got to choose
No matter if it's win or lose
Now tell me why
I don't wanna be like your brother
I don't wanna be your best friend
I only wanna be your lover
When will this end
If I told you that I wanna be in your life
Then you could be the woman in mine
*DAMN! I HATE TO SING THIS SONG (WHY ARE WE STILL FRIENDS BY 98 DEGREES). IT DESCRIBES THE FRIGGIN STATE OF MY CURRENT LIFE. WHY ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? I REALLY DON'T WANNA BE JUST YOUR FRIEND, BABY! CAN'T WE BE MORE THAN THAT? THE FACT THAT WE ARE STILL FRIENDS HURTS ME LIKE HELL!*
Psychoanalyst Edmund Bergler developed the idea that we are psychologically attached to negative emotions and that we are nothing but the product of what was done to us during our childhood... He stressed that we form subjective interpretations that, interwoven with the reality of how we were treated and conditioned, grow into fixed negative messages and expectations about ourselves, others, and the world.
well, quite true. we are what we are today because that is how our childhood environment molded us to be. Now i understand why i am such a mess. haha. kidding! My parents had given me all the comforts in life, i never experienced how it feels like to be materially and financially incapable. they provided everything i needed but shit man! Because of that i never learned how to stand on my own. My pals think of me as a strong person but hell i am not. I am always dependent. because i was brought up in a family where all the luxuries are present, i am now incapable of seeing the beautiful things in the world, and this brings me to a state called melancholy! All the luxury that my parents had given me has made me a trash... am i happy? Shit, no! i am not! Those material things are bullshits! I don't need them. What i need is something that is beyond all those craps!
So why blame me why i turned out to be like this? Is it my fault?
i see nothing but blanks!
KINDA OUTTA MY HEAD!
im missing her so bad!
One day, Heart asks Logic,"Why do you hate me so? What have I done to propel you to drive me into such a dark state of anguish?"
Logic sneers at Heart and answers,"I think you very well know the reason for that. I think you know what it is that you have which I cannot ever attain (as much as I yearn for it), so do not play dumb with me."
To such a cold and inimical reply,Heart becomes slightly shocked and alarmed.He then responds,"I do not know what you mean.We are suppose to be friends.This isn't suppose to be happening because God has made us to suffice each other."
Logic can feel his temper rising as those words escaped from Heart's lips.He detests his friend's earnesty, making him feel condemnable in his own eyes.
"Did not I tell you to stop playing dumb with me?!! You very well know that you have what I do not! You have what it is that I yearn for--the only thing that I ever truly want : a connection with God,that is what!"
There is a pause,but once those sentences fly, Logic cannot stop himself.
"I have always been envious of that relationship you so deeply possess with your Maker, heck,our Maker! I know it is of such a painstakingly beautiful and incomprehensively deep propensity,but I cannot ever feel what you feel for I have not been granted the privilege to experience that! It is only YOU that can have it,never I!! Do you not get that?!!"
What were once alarm and shock reflected in Heart's eyes is now a gentle sadness as he discerns his friend's outburst of rage and contempt.
As a coup de gras to their present interaction,Logic delivers his final speech with a bitter and cold demeanour.
"Just so you know,I've made a vow to myself to destroy that which you have that I do not. For if I cannot have it, then that ought to go the same for you."
It has been a year now when i stopped-- yeas... when i stopped torturing myself. Haha. Everything has changed now. I want to be serious this time. It's time to fix everything, family, job, love and of course, ME. Having no commitments doesn't hurt and it gave me a lot of comfort and convenience, but shit man! I realized that i yearn for someone who'd be there. Someone who can make a difference. I have paid for my mistakes, for the mess that i have done and i am trying to be a better person now. Ugh! This blog has made me soft, uhm i mean, i'm starting to see a real drama in my life. (Sweetie josh, don't laugh at me. ;p) I'm here to keep my promise, uh no not a promise, a lifetime commitment to be good. Haha.