So it is true when people say that bad things happen to someone twice, or maybe more. I've had a bad day adding the subjects I wanted to do for my seconde semester. All the classes are full, but don't blame it on me. Blame it on my matrix number. Mine is way behind of everyone's. I am forced to do a minor subject this year! I shouldn't be.... So, should I get very frustrated now?

Happy New Year everyone! Have a blessed year ahead!

Sigh... I'm sick again, my stomach's bloated (as a result of drinking too much coffee!) and my head is aching. Guess what? I had finally tried my hands on writing a fan fiction. Hahaha... I don't plan to write more than one. I'm just getting myself ready for next year's assignments. My writing skills went down the drain right after I finished high school (so I do posses writing skills!). Yay! I'm beyond crazy now... Ignore me.. :p

I’ve always liked the festive seasons. Irrespective of you race and believes, the festive season is always a time of forgiving. I have made an awful lot of mistakes all year round. The worst of all was to ignore my friends who cared for me. All those emails and SMSes that were sent to me were left unreplied. It must have been painful to wait for my replies that has never showed up. I am sure that I am the first on Santa’s naughty list (I am still eligible for Santa’s list? Hehe…) this year. I have made a foolish move to ignore them. My friends had touched my heart so dearly when I was in high school. I’ve never actually had the chance to thank them or was I too arrogant to thank them? I am sorry for what I have done. I ask for your forgiveness. I am thinking of ways to mend our relationships. Would you forgive me?

There is a reason why I don't sleep until the wee hours of the morning like today, now to be exact. Everytime I try sleeping early, I would think about a lot of things. It makes me cry everytime. So, a trip down to memory lane isn't always pleasant huh? I don't understand why do I end up so lonely everytime. Are people avoiding me, or am I avoiding people? What's wrong with me? All the people I love is leaving me, some has left me a long time ago leaving a deep scar behind. Ok, I am brawling my eyes out again.... Nitez, I guess.

I have to admit it that I liked someone so much that it hurts everytime I think about him. This feeling has been haunting me for years. I have this hollow part in my heart that keeps hoping that I would be able to see him again one day. I pains me to think of him at my moment of loneliness. But sometimes, thinking of him gave me strength to carry on when I face an obstacle. Its like he’s secretly giving me moral support everytime I feel that the world has decided to show its ugly side to me. I have no idea how he is doing now or where he is now. I’ve always included him in my prayers even though I am not an entirely religious person. My friends think that I am crazy because I still can’t let go of him after all these years. How could I just forget someone whom I always share my deepest thoughts with? We were just friends. Nothing more and nothing less. Just friends. Am I being a loyal friend or am I plain crazy? He’s the first person that I’ve opened my heart to. I’ve never expected my feelings to be returned hurt. At the very least, I should be treated with respect as a friend. Mine were hurt so badly when he decided to disappear from my life without even saying goodbye. Even if I were to meet him someday, I don’t think that I would be able to accept him into my life anymore. I would rather stab my heart with a hundred knives than to see him leave my life again. Yes, I am truly hurt until now. I should have grown out of it but I can’t. My heart stays close forever to the outside world. I don’t just share my feeling with people anymore. I can’t trust anyone, not even myself. I am afraid that I would let it all out someday and the safe world that I have created around me would be invaded by people who are bound to stop my beating heart to ever feel loved again. 

Until the time where we will finally meet again on a busy road, I would stop at my tracks staring at him with disbelieve… My life would never be the same again since the day you decided to forget me.

I feel so reluctant to go back to uni. Sobs... I love staying at home.

Yeah, give me a loud boo. I deserve it. I shouldn't be anywhere near my notebook but its tempting me! I swear that its calling me every single minute. Ok, I'm just plain lazy. Its my study week now but why am I not studying? Haha... good question without a good answer.

I am a failed blogger. I am sorry that I haven't replied anyone's messeges yet. Give me some time ok?

 When I thought that I had a lot of friends around me, I was wrong. Very wrong indeed. I am leading a one man show. People often judge me the wrong way. I know I shouldn't care much. Who am I to please these people? Should I just keep my mouth shut or should I confront them? Sometimes I wish I didn't exist. Its hard, its really hard leading my life. I wish I was still in the comforts of my parents arms. I miss them sometimes. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, someone trustable. I am indeed a very disturbed individual. The world has never been nice. People have never been nice. Not once in the time of human civilisation has anyone been nice to someone. There are disputes everywhere. Why are people made to hate? The amount of hate that people have does not tally with the amount of love. It is an unbalanced misfortune.

          On another note. Maybe I shouldn't help that roommate of mine anymore. Why would  help someone who doesn't appreciate my help? Why would I help someone who shun me? I have been too kind. I really shouldn't you know. Even if I have done something wrong, how much damage could I have caused? I don't annoy anyone on purpose. I might do it unconsciously. I am hardly even in the room! For goodness sake knock some sense into this person! Why can't this person pick on the others? Why me?