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[Submitted by evalaina on October 6, 2008, 11:57 pm]

It's the first day of school and I wasn't excited about it. I'm gonna talk about him of course. I'm feeling a lil bit nervous to face him today. He talked a lot. I didn't have the mood to talk to him actually. Tho I was a lil bit happy about it. Just that.. I really want to let my feelings go,since I felt almost nothing to him. Well..almostt. And I wanted to.. you know.. make the feeling disappear. Hrmm.. my fren next to me gave me and him ferrero rocher. She gave me first. Then when he came and sat in front of us, my fren gave him the chocolate. I just looked at him and smile. I wasn't expecting anything from him. Oh yea.. his hair was back to the hair that I used to loveee. HAHA. Ohhh.. this is so not right. Back to the story, then he shared his chocolate with me and the fren next to me. Actually, I really didn't want to accept the chocolate. But then, he insisted that I should accept it. I tried to give him back. But he refused. My fren also tried but at first he refused but in the end he took that chocolate from my fren back. I tried for the second time to give him back his chocolate, but still he didn't want it. So I took it. I didn't tell him that my fren had given me the same chocolate though. It didn't matter anyway. I admit I missed him. But I don't want to get carried away anymore. My big exam is coming soon. And this is the perfect time for me to forget him. To forget my feeling towards him. Oh yea.. sir gave him a present from paris for getting a good result in the big exam in june last time. I didn't manage to get at least a C..because..I did't really do well. As usual..last minute revison. So I was kinda panic when answering the questions and may be I forgot some of the answers. Besides, I was having my maths at the same time. So yea. The results for both my maths and that subject were not so good. Where was I? Oh yea.. about the present. That present was a music thingy that always in a music box. But it's not in a box.

Holiday muchhh~

[Submitted by evalaina on September 24, 2008, 5:43 pm]

Helloooo ...

I miss blogging here. Hehe. I'm having my holiday for a few weeks. Man.. I am sooo boreddd. I hardly study and went online almost 24/7. I don't really miss school though. I don't even want to go to school anymore. Just stay at home and do nothing. Yea as if that can happen.

So.. I hardly meet my friends this holiday. I hardly chat with them also. I miss them sometimes. Yea sometimes.

Hrmm.. this Friday I'm gonna have a day out with my old bestie. Hope I can meet her in this holiday. Since I'm free almost everyday. Hehe. I really hate it when some plans didn't work. Really pissed me off. Anywhoo.. not that matter anymore.

Hrmm... it's 5.30 pm, can't wait for sungkaii.. weeee..

We're gonna have our sungkai at 6.18ish pm. Yea. Hee :)

I don't miss him. I don't even craving to see him anymore. I'm happyyy! I admit first week of holiday is a hell for me. I even dreamt about him several times. I did miss him that baddd. HAHA. I keep my mind busy now..like thinking what to revise, though I haven't revise a thing, what to eat, what to watch, what to buy..yadayadayadayada..haha. Anything to think to prevent myself from thinking about him. So a big YAY! Only now, I remember about him since I mostly talked about him here.

Ermm.. I think I'm gonna make another blog. But I still keep this blog, just in case if I feel blogging here.

Hehehe.

Alright, till I update soon people.

I miss him.

[Submitted by evalaina on September 14, 2008, 3:36 pm]

I was pissed by him. I was mad at him. I was disappointed by him.

Yet,

He makes me smile. He makes me happy. He makes me excited. He is my inspiration.

Ohhh.. I miss him so bad!!

Pathetic me.

cheers people. xD

Broken

[Submitted by evalaina on September 12, 2008, 4:18 am]

He didn't join us at the restaurant. I felt very disappointed.

What hurts me so bad, we bumped into him at a shopping mall yesterday's evening.

Although I was happy that I finally met him that day, I felt sad that he didn't really want to come to the restaurant.

We saw him at the parking lot with his friend. I guess they wanted to go home.

I'm sad at the moment. It really hurts deep inside me. I should have known that he wouldn't come.

I shouldn't let myself hope too high for him to come.

I shouldn't be excited at the first place.

Ohhh..

I feel so broken. He's tearing me so well.

He did a good job at letting me down.

Cheers people. xD

again..that stupid person.

[Submitted by evalaina on September 10, 2008, 6:08 pm]

Oh I hate wednesday!! This morning I saw that gay guy passing my registration class.Without realising, I was with my disgusted-wondering-why-he-had-t-come-to-school look when I was looking at him. HAHA. Like.. I know when he came to school, mod would be called to go to the councelling session again with that bloody gay. HUH. Which means I would not have the chance to meet mod at class. And SO I hate Wednesday because last wednesday..I also didn't have the chance to see him at class. Sheeshhh!! I only saw him early in the morning when I was on my way to my registration class. And that's sO not enough. Besides I was waiting for the class for agessss just to see him, since my block was at the last period. And too bad he didn't turn up. Huhuhu. I miss him.

I can't wait for tomorrowww.. SO can'twaitcan'twaitcan'twait!!!! My friends and I will gonna have a gathering for fast-breaking tomorrow at a restaurant at town. And we invited some of our male friends which include mod.. waaaa.. so can't wait. HAHA. I'm so excited already. Hopefully he will definitely come. I just don't want to be disappointed. Huhuhu.

He made me smile when I thought about a recent thing happened between me and him. Though it's just a small thing but it is a BIG thing for me. Haha pathetic much? Last time, I was writing in my notebook and he was facing towards me. Yea we talked. Oh how I miss talking to him. Then he turned forward and I didn't think he's gonna face at the back again so I was wanting to write 'I miss you' at my notebook. Before that I drew a heartshape at the top of the page. Then when I just wrote 'I', he suddenly turned around and looked at what I was writing. I was like.. a little bit surprised, and my hand were like shaking and started to draw something else instead of continuing my sentence.

sadness overwhelming me.

[Submitted by evalaina on September 5, 2008, 9:07 pm]

Ohhh..I feel damn saddd... I don't know whyy.. I hate this feeling.

Currently I'm listening to Korean songs, soundtracks from Princess Hours. I LOVE the story!! Man I felt bloody emo when I was watching the series. The songs are amazing too, especially Dang Shin Un and Sarang hae yo. But I love dang shin un more. Man I feel sooooo emooo right nowww.. uhuhuhu. Somebody~ comfort me please. Huhu.

I feel like cryinggg. Waaaaaaa.. but my tears just won't come out. I don't have the mood to finish my assignment. I'm going to do it tomorrow morning. At school of course.

Ohhh.. I wish to see him tomorrow at class. I want to see him soooo sooo baddd~ pathetic me. I know.

I just wish there's someone who will always be there for me. Someone I will fall for. Someone that loves me more than anything in the world. Just that someone. I hope someday I will end up spending the rest of my life with that someone.

But will there ever be that someone for me? This is what I really want in my life. To experience something that I call love. To have a love story in my life. But so far, I think this will be impossible. Because I don't see it coming. Never in my teenage life, I experience being loved by the opposite sex and besides no one ever likes me. I always end up with my heart broken by the ones I used to like.

I realize now how pathetic I am. This is sad.

I'm alone in my room in the dark with just a spot light shining on my desk. I'm feeling so so blueee.

I love the korean songs I'm listening now.

Ohhhh so frustrating~~~

[Submitted by evalaina on September 4, 2008, 7:14 pm]

Today is one of my frustrating days in my life. Goshhh I was waiting for the class like agessss~ just to see him. I misssss him sooooo soooooo baddd~~ Why does life has to be sO unfair?? Ohhh such an unbearable pain..

The main title for the day is...

The return of the GAY guy~

shit him.

Why did he had to come to school again?? Why didn't he just get over with the fact that my mod is straight? I didn't see mod at the class today. I didn't know where he went. I guess he was called to the counselling session with that fuggin gay again. HUH! So much for a day without him.

Ohhh I'm having a headache again~ This is just great!

Cheers people~

another vain day~

[Submitted by evalaina on September 1, 2008, 9:34 pm]

It's been a while since I wrote my thoughts here. Hehehehe.. I feel like blogging now. I feel ........... so alone and lonely. I don't know why I miss him so baddd in this moment. This moment of loneliness. Huhhh. I tried my best to let him off my mind. I know I can do it. Yet, somehow I don't want to let it go. I want to think about him, think about his smile and his eyes. This is pathetic..I know. But I don't care anymore. I just want to stare at him. I wish I could stare at him all day long. There's no need for me to talk to him. As long as he's not gone from my sight. I feel sad..so sad that I could not let this feeling go. I just wish he feels the same towards me. But that's undoubtably impossible. I really miss the times he and I had together although the times we shared were not more than just friends or classmates I must say. Is it true that this feeling is what people called LOVE? *sigh* :(

I saw him today, talking to his usual friends. I had my final exam paper this morning and I didn't have the chance to see him early in the morning. I only saw him after my exam. I felt so much better when I saw him sitting at a place not far from where I was sitting with my usual friends. I wonder how was he doing so far? After all the exams stuffs.. how's his results have been doing? Has he done well in his exam? How did he feel about it? Did he had any difficulties? Then after recess, two of my usual friends and I went to our class and got our final marks on the particular subject. After that we had our private study session and went to a specific class for the session. I saw him again in the class sitting with his usual friends and played a cardgame. I saw my usual gang in the class too and joined them playing their card game. He and his gang sat not far from where we sat. I could see him from where I was sitting and that's fairly enough for me.

I blab so much already, it's time for me to go. Cheers people. xD.

Bored~ Another poem..is it a poem? whatever it is..haha :S

[Submitted by evalaina on August 25, 2008, 4:57 pm]

I don't know what's with me today

Wondering how come I feel this way

My mind is so empty lately

I don't have any idea why seriously

I didn't think much about you

Though sometimes I tried to find you

But I thought why would I bother so much what you do?

Since I'm not someone special to you

I thought about this friend of mine

The one with a lovely smile

He is just fine and kind

Deep inside I noticed that he is fragile

I used to like him

But the feeling vanished sooner than I expected

I'm sure I can't fall for him

Because my feeling had already been shattered

I'm here just to write

I don't care if there's wrong and right

This is my voice from my heart

If you hate me then why read from the start?

Feel free to comment all my bloody poems or whatever you want to call them.

Then I can learn to write it better in the future.

Cheers xD.

a fool of myself :|

[Submitted by evalaina on August 23, 2008, 2:41 pm]

Another day passed by

Another day waiting for you

No matter how hard I tried

I still couldn't forget you

Eventually I saw you

It's undeniable that I missed you

I didn't want to talk to you

I just wanted to sit and stare at you

With all the waiting

With all the longing

I'm still wondering

How am I going

to keep myself standing?

I've been thinking

that I should stop this feeling

But I'm such a wreck

that I rather let myself break

This feeling is a part of me

Losing it will also losing myself

I wish you could complete me

Obviously I'm just making a fool of myself.