I don't feel so well. I don't know if it's physical, emotional, or both. Some mystery texter has been telling me things about my new-found-and-getting-close friend. I don't know if I should believe mystery texter. I don't know what mystery texter's intentions are or for whom. I don't know exactly why am I involved. I don't know if I should get involved or if I wanna get involved at all. I don't know whom to believe, or if I should believe either of them. Logically assessing the whole thing, I see that I'm not part of it (or maybe just a little). It's none of my business but whatever is happening between close friend and mystery texter, somehow I got caught up in the middle. I just wish I know the truth. I know I can't get the whole truth from either of them. I have someone in mind to ask about it but I'm afraid he'd be in the mess too. The burden is on me, yet I really didn't do anything, or at least that's what I think. I wanna tell someone about the whole mess and everything that's in my head but I'm afraid the whole thing will blow out of proportion. I'm caught in the middle. And I want out.

i'm kinda bored so i'll just type whatever that comes to my mind...i do this quite often and it's very relaxing...

ahhh...i'm full...[busog kaayo ko]... when will i ever get started with CFPL, my PL project...and Expert Systems too!...and Software Eng'g too...hayyyyyyy! another late student tsk! tsk! i'm excited about sir elmer's suggestion for my special problem...finally something i could be really interested...i need to do more research...it should be no problem if it's something i wanna know...do significant bother and i have a future? i'm not in-love, that's for sure...ngano mi-enter?! here i go again...can i really trust not-so-significant bother? when will i ever be in a "normal" relationship? whoa...my students are actually quiet, this is a milestone! i hope she'd text again, i'd really like a good text fight and win, of course...what to do with him? i miss my sisters...i need to finish my last gradesheet...oh-oh...i just had my fourth cup of coffee...not good...i think i'm being too dependent on coffee...i wanna talk to someone, but i can't say it here...i'm so amnesiac! just a moment ago i was thinking of something, now i don't what it is...ahhh...my head is aching again...i wish i could lie down and sleep right now...i hope payday is tomorrow, i badly need cash...weeeee...so far i've had 211 views on my friendster profile...hmmm...another resignation...i'm so sick about the issue that i refuse to comment on anything...what will happen in the next days? i wish i could read people's minds...i gotta pee...but i'm so lazy to stand and go to the nearest comfort room...i hope bebs gets the scholarship...i'm 95% confident she will...ohhh...i'm having pimples...tsk! tsk! i reeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyy need to pee...

making friends has not been really easy for me since is was a kid...my father once told me that when i was in nursery he worried so much about me because i was really shy...i was well-behaved, i don't throw tantrums but i also don't talk or play with other kids, i just sit at one corner look at other kids play or i just play on my own... well, i do remember my nursery years and my father was right i was shy but being on my own didn't bother me at all... to make friends i just wait for them to come and talk to me first...if they don't, i take interest in watching them instead...watch them play, watch them laugh, watch them fight, watch some cry...and i really enjoyed it...when im at a party (which i dont usually come unless i have to), i don't dance, i don't talk unless someone talks to me, i just watch everyone...people would think i'm not enjoying it but i am...i really am...people could be very interesting at times...

why would you ask a question that you know the answer of? why would you even ask a question without even thinking if it's worth asking? if you are given a set of instructions, why would you ask what to do when every detail of what you have to do is clearly stated in the instructions? if you were just told to do something, why is your first instinct to ask it back? [does "get one-fourth sheet of paper" "one-fourth, ma'am?" sound familiar to you?] why would a question, in no time, lead to a conclusion without a word from those concerned? [what i mean is, "ma'am, mag quiz ta karon?" "ha? mag quiz ta?" "ma'am, ngano mag quiz man ta nga wala pa man nag discuss?" and all these were said even before the teacher could say a single word!] for me (as of the moment), the answer to all these questions is simply STUPIDITY. i know i'm being a bit harsh but that's what i think.

actually, i'm just ranting about some of my students. i just don't want to be asked "senseless questions" [questions that are released without having passed through the lowest form of mental quality control called common sense *perhaps common sense is not so common afterall*]. i don't want to be asked questions that are asked just for the sake of asking.

a word for my students out there: please, if you have to ask anything think about it first. maybe you know the answer all along, you just have to scatch deeper than the surface of your nut a little...and if you are asked to read the instructions carefully, please read the instructions carefully! and most importantly, please listen with you ears, not your mouth...

[Warning: Not for gifted children!]

i got this somewhere and it really made me laugh...the story is not "laughable", it's how "exact" it is [math is an exact science]...i couldn't find the name of the author, sorry...

 

A Math Romance

They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, because it was an improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. She approached her ex, so they diverged.

how am i? it's difficult to explain but i feel like i'm kinda "at peace". [i'm not dead, ok!] i don't know, there is just this relaxing, comforting, peaceful (?) feeling despite all the angsts, frustrations, stress(eseses) that i've been blogging about, not to mention physical exhaustion leading to near breakdown [which i haven't blogged about yet but we'll come to that later]...i don't know, it almost feels like bliss...but why? how did that happen? i can't think of anything significant that happened today...or maybe that's the point...anywayz, i hope that whatever it is the feeling stays. i could get used to this...

Here's a simple, yet powerful way to immediately make your life more rewarding. Move away from the things that drain you and move toward those things that empower and fulfill you.

Begin to take notice, as you go through the day, of which is which. When you take the time to look, it's easy to distinguish the things that lift you up from the things that bring you down.

Consider, for example, resentment, something you've probably learned to experience whenever you feel you've been wronged. When you think about it, there is really no positive purpose that resentment ever serves.

You can easily choose to let go of resentment, and to put forgiveness in its place. That will immediately raise your own level of positive energy, and the beneficial effects will extend deeply into the world around you.

All it takes is a simple change in your mind and in your attitude. Look for them, and you'll find many other similar ways to replace the things that drain you with more positive things that move you forward.

Many of the influences that bring you down are things you can easily change, for they are based on your thoughts, attitudes and reactions. Learn to be aware of them, and choose to set yourself free to soar.

-- Ralph Marston

The more effort you give, the more you expose yourself to the possibility of disappointment. But that is certainly no reason to avoid the effort.

The more love you give, the more you expose yourself to the possibility of being hurt. Yet it would hurt infinitely more to have never given any love.

Sure, life has its pitfalls. The key is not to avoid them out of fear, but to overwhelm them with positive purpose.

For effort, while it can sometimes bring disappointment, more often brings great accomplishment. And love, while it can bring heartbreak, more often brings a level of fulfillment that cannot be matched.

Every experience, no matter what the outcome, adds richness and depth to your life. With the positive moments you build joy, and with the difficult times you build strength.

Engage yourself fully in the details of living, and with each day you add value to your life that cannot be taken away. Be an active, enthusiastic participant in this day, and you'll come away from it with real, lasting treasure.

-- Ralph Marston

blog time...(drum roll please!)

i'm back! what's up with that? it's just that i felt like i have risen from the grave and now i'm alive again...*smile*

let me explain...(drum roll again please!)

well, just as i was at the heights of my ever busy week (due to project deadlines, final exams, grade submission deadlines and all...) i got sick. imagine that! of all times...i got fever for 2 days which started the night after submitting my AI project. it has actually been a mystery why i always (like it almost never miss) get sick right after a major exam or project...my classmates wonder about that too. i'll try to figure that out later. my mother kinda panicked when she found out so she came over (we are islands apart) to check on me, brought me to the doctor to find out what's wrong with me. i did tell here not to worry 'coz im fine, it was just due to fatigue (physical and/or mental) and that i just needed some rest. but she won't hear of it, she came anyway. i guess mothers are just like that...the doctor prescribed some antibiotics coz my cough got worse and some meds for my ever-worsening sinusitis. my fever was gone and my cough got better but my sinusitis went from worse to worst. i was not able to buy the med for my sinusitis coz it isn't available at any drugstore coz they are all out of stocks (probably bcoz it isn't manufactured anymore)...and so for days i suffered with sinusitis...this might sound simple (it's just sinusitis, you might say) but it's not. those who have the same problem will surely agree with me. sinusitis means headache, headache, and more headache...i couldn't focus, i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat (i'd feel like throwing up), and i couldn't breath...i simply couldn't do anything! the deadline for the grades was days ago but i just couldn't beat it...it's just bad. i knew i needed rest, so i did. screw those deadlines! thank goodness, now i'm feeling better...it's still there but it's more bearable...so now i can do more. in fact, i'm down to my last grade sheet. tomorrow, this will be completed...

i just found out that my bestfriend (who also happens to be my ex) has a new girl. well, she's not the first one since we broke up but i felt "strange" when i saw her photo. i don't know her name coz he didn't really tell me about her, i just saw it on friendster (with a "my girl" caption). i believe i don't have feelings for him anymore whatsoever, but why am i "affected"? is it bcoz he has moved on while i'm kinda stuck up with a "loveless life"? or maybe bcoz she's beautiful? or maybe bcoz he didn't tell me about her (when im supposed to be his bestfriend)...but then we haven't seen each other for quiet a while now coz we're both busy...or i don't know...but why didn't i feel anything like this when he introduced his first girlfriend after me? i wish i have a guy (a true boyfriend) i can show off on friendster too...maybe if i have i wouldn't be affected like this...oh well...i guess i just hate losing...being ex'es, i think there is this silent game of who gets to "move on" first...but then, i know that he had beaten me at that when he introduced the first girl to me...hmmmm...i don't know, i just felt "different", like i'm jealous...but why?