This time, I mean my title literally. It's been raining since early morning, and it's friggin' cold. But I like the cold a bit, so it doesn't bother as much as if it were really hot. I've got coughs and colds again. My hanky is so wet already; I was about to sneeze this morning, but it came out as a cough. And it hurt my throat. Ugh. I'm sick all over again. But I don't have fever.

For some reason, I like the rain. Rain makes me happy. Not because there are more chances of class being suspended for the day, but because... Well, to be honest, I don't know why. There's just something in the rain that makes me feel better when I'm sad. And they say rain makes people feel worse, I am an exeption to that.

 It was raining this morning, and I felt much better than yesterday. I actually stayed in bed until 9. I usually get out of bed the moment I first wake up on weekends--which is at around 7. Rain makes me want to sleep more. I guess that's what they call bed weather, eh?

Anyway, I need to go back to what I was doing just a little while ago. I might post again if I'm in the mood. 

Concerning the title, I always associate rain with mixed emotions. So when I said rain, I actually meant mixed emotions. Not that that's cleared out, on to what I want to talk about.

I've been feeling so mixed up these days. Especially in school. Sometimes I'm so depressed I even cry; other times... I laugh too much. Weird, huh? I'd say so. I have no idea what's wrong with me. But I think it's with the people I'm with. When it comes to Kaye and Tin-Tin and Jeri and my other close friends from the same batch, you could always see me laughing, smiling. But if it's with the grade 7 girls I used to be with all the time, I feel so... so... down. I barely smile with them anymore. I don't know why... I'm not picky on emotions when it comes to being with different groups of friends; it's just that there is something in the latter group that makes me feel kind of sad.

 Well, whatever. If this all goes bad, then let it be that way. Like I told Jeri yesterday and this morning: if being apathetic means I won't get hurt this much again, I'd love to be apathetic all my life.

That's right! I've finished watching all 24 episodes of Lovely Complex. This is quite a success for me, just because it's the first time I've finished a whole anime--let alone the first time I've been so interested to finish it! It was a really good story; funny all through out. And so, as I said in my other post, I'm now waiting for Cartoon KAT-TUN episode 1 to load. This should keep me busy every time I'm online, right? Now I won't be feeling so bored. But I do have to plan ahead on what to do once I'm done with Cartoon KAT-TUN. Hmm... Maybe I look for more shows or movies to watch on Crunchyroll. Or I could do some more research on that other J-pop group Tin-Tin told me about... But that wouldn't be good. I can do research while I'm waiting for videos to load. What else can I do...? Oh, well. I'll leave that to that. I bet I'll find something to do later on, right? Ohh, it's almost done! I might be back again later... Or not. At four, I need to get ready to go to my aunt's house for dinner. Wait, make that four-thirty...

As much as I dislike it, I'll be going back to school tomorrow. Don't you think it's kind of unfair? Our school starts again tomorrow, while brothers' is still next Monday. And our last day was only one day ahead of theirs! Aw, man... This sucks. Then we'll have to cook for HELE tomorrow. I don't like cooking very much. And I'm worried that our group leader was able to buy the ingredients with the money our teacher gave us to spend. Haaaaaiiiii.... I'm worrying too much again!

Okay, next topic. I'm already on episode 23 of Lovely Complex. And there are only 24 episodes. So I'm almost done. Once I finish the whole anime, I'll post again to make a review, alright? But I know what to do after watching Lovely Complex. And it's good, so that I don't have to post here, ranting on how I'm so bored and blah-dee-blah-blah. When I finish LoveCom, I'll watch Cartoon KAT-TUN, still on Crunchyroll, of course! I don't know how long that will take me, but I hope it's for quite a long time. It's pretty boring--and annoying--for me to keep coming back here just to say that I have nothing in the world to do.

Next topic again. Umm... What do I say...? Oh, yes. I was able to speak to Tin-Tin--one of the two who got me interested in KAT-TUN, and the one Kaye named as Ueda--a while ago. We talked about so much. About KAT-TUN--well, just Ueda--about tears, being "emo"--I don't like that word--and about so much more. Then Kaye came online, but said "Do not disturb" in her status, and so I had to obey. Then Tin-Tin kind of just left on me. She stopped talking, so I assumed she had logged off. Fortunately, I still had LoveCom eps to watch, so I didn't go ranting as I would. Now, if you excuse me, I have episode 23 of LoveCom to watch. 

I wasn't able to post this yesterday because, for once, I was a bit too busy. So I'll be posting this now.

They say a new year is for new beginnings. Like it or not, I'm not starting over again. I'm happy with the way things are--yes even the negative things in life--and I don't want to change those things drastically. I'm sure it's reasonable for me not to change the things I'm happy about. But the negative ones? Well, I'm just too apathetic to care. There are days when I care too much, there are days when I don't care at all. And when I do care so much, I get hurt. And when I get hurt, I end up becoming apathetic because I don't want to get hurt again. So whichever way you look at it, I'll always be apathetic.

Yes, I know that pain is a normal thing in life; it's healthy to feel pain. I know that already. But I feel pain everytime, even when I don't do anything. So I'm still being psychologically healthy. The thing is, I don't even know why I feel hurt without doing anything. I guess my subconscious is working up. 

Well, that's all I need to say for this post.  

Why is it that way? Why? Why is it, when I try to cry, the tears never want to come out? Why is it that I often break down and cry at random times? Why do I keep everything inside my heart, causing my emotional break downs? Why does the depression of other people affect me? Why do the depressing parts of movies, TV shows and animes always give this miserable effect on me? Why does my life seem so dark and depressing? Why do people always judge my being depressed as being emo? Why don't they even ask if there's something wrong? Why don't they have the guts to speak up and command me to snap out of my depressed trance? Why do I always end up just telling them nothing's wrong, when there really is? Why?

Yes, I'm sure everyone's having fun celebrating the last few hours of 2007, and waiting for the arrival of the new year. Honestly, I don't like New Year... Well, New Year's Eve, at least. No, wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't like the New Year celebration. And it's true. I dislike fireworks: they are deafening, especially to animals; they can cause asthma attacks, they worsen the air pollution; and they're just plain annoying. I may sound like a kill-joy--as I normally do--but it's true. The sound and smoke of these 'pieces of entertainment' can really cause harm. Sure, we only do this once a year, but why take the chances of worsening both our healths and the environment? Yes, I know I sound all high and mighty, talking about caring for the earth and blah. But really, I'm totally serious. Who invented fireworks anyway? And why can't we celebrate quietly? Oh, yes. That's why. We want to welcome the new year with a blast... People made it so literal, didn't they?

I might just be the only person I know who doesn't enjoy fireworks. I'm not afraid of them, of course. I just don't like using them. Oh, well. If people really want to risk using fireworks improperly and endangering their lives, then who am I to contradict? Let them have fun; they just might regret it in the end.

Ah...Finally over! Meaning getting photos for my project, of course. That took quite some time, didn't it? And mom still wants to get more pictures... I don't. Doesn't she know I hate being on camera? *sigh* She could be so... stubborn. But still, I love her.

Oh well. Now, off to Crunchyroll to continue watching Lovely Complex!

Okay, so my last post was just a few minutes ago. And in that post, I said I'd post again if I find something new to do. And guess what? I did! Right now, I'm just waiting for the original anime version of Lovely Complex to load. I don't watch anime very much, but I loved the movie version so much, I'd love to watch the anime, too. This may be the first anime I'll watch since the start of summer, which was March. Nyeh, it's taking some time to load, so I'll stay here and talk for a while.

Now... what to talk about? Ah, yes. My cousins and ninang Vicky and tito Gene left for Australia already. They left on the 29th. We had lunch with them at Dampa Libis that day. Once again, my mom and her two sisters (tita Malu wasn't there) cried. I guess tears can't be stopped when a loved one whom you don't see very often leaves again. I said goodbye to ate Nina and ate Kati and thanked them for everything. Ate Kati said she'd email to keep in touch. *sigh* I'll miss them...

Still not done loading?! Is it me, or is the internet in this laptop slow? Wait... it's always been this way, so I can't accuse of the internet to purposely load the vid slow because I'll be watching it. I know, I know, it's stupid to accuse an inanimate object that way...

What else should I talk about...? Hmm... Oh, okay. I know! Yesterday, Kaye sent me the URL of the KAT-TUN family skit, entitled "The Yellow Helmet of Happiness." Weird, huh? I've watched it before, but this time, it has english subtitles! Kaye, who named me as Akanishi--she named herself as Kame--started calling me Mama Jin... Okay, I love that she enjoys the skit, but calling me by that? No way.

Oh, yuck. I'll need to go soon. I need to get going to do my AP project, which is some kind of documentary. Nyeh, just when I found something to do. Hmm... Mom takes quite a while to take a bath, so I'll have some more time. I already took a bath when I woke up--for no reason, actually--so all I need to do is change into new clothes. I don't want to do this now! I'm still too lazy! But I guess the sooner I finish this project, the better. And the good thing is, my mom told me she'd drag my brothers along. My AP teacher will give bonus points to those who do the project with the family. I don't really need the points because I already got 20 plus points for an optional research before. But I guess at least I'll have a chance to bring my grade up more. And I won't be doing the project alone. I don't like being seen outside the house, doing something that might catch people's attention alone. So I'm happy that at least one of my brothers will do it with me. But what if they don't agree to come? Oh, no! Nyeh, oh well. I'll live, won't I?

I suppose my title already says the main topic, yes? Now that I've finished with everything, I have nothing more to do. I'm done watching all ten episodes of Yukan Club, I finished watching the live-action movie version of Lovely Complex yesterday... What else? Okay, fine. Maybe I haven't done everything. I still need to write one last thing for my CLE homework, I need to get thinking on how to do my AP project, too. But I really do not want to think of school right now. I return to school on Thursday, Jan. 3rd. I want to enjoy the last few days of Christmas break! As for the other things I still need to do--like cleaning my desk because there's a lot of things scattered again, or writing the continuation of my fan fiction, or reading Twilight so I can get to the next two books--I'm just too lazy to do them. There must be something I can do around here! Hmm... Maybe I can watch Lovely Complex again... The story's really nice, and I love the ending. But I want something new. Nyeh, I'll try looking for something. I'll post again once I've something.