"I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved" -Jewel-
While I'm reading some pages from Jewel's Chasing Down The Dawn, I found those lines and I think about this guy. I keep wondering if I started to love him or just in need to fill my loneliness. Do I really want to love him? Or does he love me? Will he ever love me in return? Does he know how I really feel even though I'm not sure myself? What is it really?
He's willing to kiss me and 'romance' me on texts that we sent to eachother, but, will it ever come to real-life? Or do I want it? instead of my loneliness... I'm afraid that things like some other guy happen again. By me, finally saying something stupid like ' love you' on my 'daily dose' of being someone else...
But, this thing wit this guy is not a lie at all, I guess. He knows me, even the real picture. But, can I just be the first to say that i love him? No... I'm afraid... Really afraid of knowing what it really means...
"I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved" -Jewel-
While I'm reading some pages from Jewel's Chasing Down The Dawn, I found those lines and I think about this guy. I keep wondering if I started to love him or just in need to fill my loneliness. Do I really want to love him? Or does he love me? Will he ever love me in return? Does he know how I really feel even though I'm not sure myself? What is it really?
He's willing to kiss me and 'romance' me on texts that we sent to eachother, but, will it ever come to real-life? Or do I want it? instead of my loneliness... I'm afraid that things like some other guy happen again. By me, finally saying something stupid like ' love you' on my 'daily dose' of being someone else...
But, this thing wit this guy is not a lie at all, I guess. He knows me, even the real picture. But, can I just be the first to say that i love him? No... I'm afraid... Really afraid of knowing what it really means...
Climbing each stair of a lifetime seduction
is a long far walk for your love that I've abandoned
A very beautiful love that is too good to be true
A very wonderful love that is too easy turn to blue
What is love to be called love, anyway
When you don't even know what love truly means
as love is a remarkable abstractful properties
that we clain we needed to continue our lives through eternity
Love doesn't have to hurt to feel good... Yeah rite. Sometimes... Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It does when you're trully in the mood of lovely fun kind of loving. But love hurts when... it hurts... :( Love hurts when you cannot keep or have the one you love on your side... When someone said that if you love someone you don't have to have him on your side, don't you think it's hurt to know???
Sometimes I even ask myself if I really love somebody... Funny. I guess, i'm too scared to fall in love... Afraid to open my heart for someone... Afraid to take chances that it will really hurt...
I always tell myself not to involve my feeling too deep to someone else before you really know them. But it's kinda hard. I always know myself as the one who easily fall in love with anything, not just anyone. Gosh... I'm just making myself too emotional at times... I mean, most of time. Is that a crime? Because sometimes I consider it a crime. Since it wearies my soul a lot. Just keep thinking and denying that I don't actually love em. Just lonely sometimes... But there are times when I just keep on realize that I love him... Keep denying it, but the truth just come back over and over again... I love him. He doesn't know it. I believe. I don't even think that he would care at all. Nad I don't even know if I care at all about he's loving me in return. Gosh... Am I a genuine idealist who always say that I don't want to have another relationship with my friends sice I don't want to ruin the realtionship that is there and good enough to go... or "If you love someone with all your heart, you won't need that someone to love you in return since you love them unconditionally with all your heart..." I thought I won't ever fall in love with my best f riend. I won't fall in love with someone who knows me inside out. I don't want to fall in love with him, I don't wanna ruin our great friendship. I don't wanna lose him. We both agree that we won't let this kinda love to stand in our way. But I can't... I surely can't... And I can't say how I really feel. Afraid that he will push me away... I can't even say I miss him too much too tell... Everytime he shares his pain, everytime he's hurt by his friends, I just wanna hold him tight and say that he don't need to worry cuz he got me ahere and love him for the way he is... :( I really hope that he could just read my mind all along... And come here tell me what i really need to hear...
I don’t really like it when people just talking behind my back. Not literally behind my back, but talking about me without saying it was they’re talking about.I’ve made mistake, I know that, I don’t really have to hide it, at least to myself. Believe it or not, I think I’ve learned from my mistakes more than I used to. I still need people to tell me what did I do wrong, in case I didn’t realize it or if I think I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s totally okay, as long as they tell me with a little sense of respect. I need people to appreciate what I did, just respect my attempt and effort. At least I’ve tried my best. That’s why I hate it when people criticize me with no respect at all.
I put my all when I did this occasion, even my heart and soul, seem like my every little thing. All went great just fine, at least, cuz no one told me anything, and I felt I did nothing fatally wrong. Until the next day someone just talked about the mistakes they say I made. She knew that it was me because she watched the show, she talked about it in front of me and I can feel her resentment on me. At first I didn’t know that it was me she talked about, until my friend told me about the mistake I’ve made. I thank her for that but I hate the woman that talked about it behind my back.
I was totally broken down at that time, I was almost crying, but luckily I can go all the way throughout that day. Not as good as the day before, far from good, because I got no soul in it. But, hey, it’s over… I learned my lesson and didn’t do it again. No same mistakes, but I was too down to do better. So… another lesson to be learned…
You don't know what love is till you lose it, you don't know what you got till it slips away. Gosh!!! It's so true... I miss someone today. But all of the sudden, it brings the memory of someone, not this someone that I miss so much today, but the other one, the other someone. Someone who once loved me more than he could ever imagine, but ended up walked away... I realise that I keep blaming myself for this. Well, I maybe I am to blame, but... I don't know... I never hate him afterwards, we kept in touch for awhile, and now... none... He never return any of my calls or texts. He never careless if I want to help in again, no strings attached, just none... nothing... Makes me sad, though... Do I miss him??? Do I still love him??? Good question, hun... Just leave it unanswered!!!
I never asked for this feeling, I never thought I would fall, I never knew how I felt till the day you were gone I was lost. I never asked for red roses, I wasn't looking for love, some how I let my emotions take hold. And guess what? All at once I'm in love. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe. How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Why did I act like you mattered? It was silly of me to believe That if I just opened my heart Things would come naturally Joke's on me...yeah. I did not ask for love letters, So why did you give them to me? How could I let your intentions get over on me? So in love, So naive. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? And oh How I hate what you have done, Made me fall so deep in love. God knows You're the only one I want That I love. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe. How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Baby, why aren't you Miss... Missing me?
Lying down in the dry grass
Tries to pull up and gather some strength left
Just to try to safe herself
from danger that might come at their best
Butterfly with the Broken Wings
Clapping the wings and she tries to swing
to a place where there’ll be come morning
Cherish all the upcoming grace life will bring
Butterfly with the Broken Wings
Hate the rain as it falls from the sky
The rain that won’t let her wings run dry
The rain that tore her wings when she flies
The rain that made her let her teardrops cry
Butterfly with the Broken Wings
Now breathe uneasy from time to time