My throat feels like it is burning rite now. This morning, when I was takin' a bath, I felt somethin' was wrong in ma stomach. It felt like I wanted to phew some gas or.. Well, I didnt know wat it is. I think I'm gonna be sick. Bad season. Padahal ini bulan DESEMBER!!!

I'm in the middle of hatin' ma "best friend" (if she still think that we are a best friend) rite now. I hate her for the way she act. She acts like a ten year old girl who mad at one person without any reason. This is so sucks!

 ARGH!!!

I dont even know what am I writin' rite now. Argh!!!!!!! 

My computer broke with no reason. I've been a poor kid this whole month. I ruined my gddamn mark, AGAIN. I think, I'm in a process of ruining my everything. I've dissapointed too many people and I hate finding my self in another way to dissapoint them again. I hav to get another men out of my mind. College SUCKS! LIFE SUCKS! LOVE SUCKS HARDER!!

Damn! What a tired day. I've just had a practice for olimpic turnament in my campus. And I just feel very exhausted (do I spell rite?). I never play basketball since, for how many, maybe about three years and now I have to force my self to make some points by throwing the ball into the basket. Well, I tell you what, I'm  very suck at this. I cant even do some free throw. No.. No.. Not do some freethrow actually I cant even throw a ball into a basket. I was very lame at this. I never be the good one at sport. In fact, I hate sport. I hate every sport that related with running, ball, and running. I hate running. I would rather be told to draw some picture or sing or sleep or anything beside running and making score with ball.

But, since this is a team competition and it involve the honor of my "Himpunan" *hahahaha* I have to do this. And I want to do this rite. Hope I can throw balls into the basket, do some fabolous lay up, make some score, and just playing well. Huwah. I'm tired!!!

Whoa. Thx. I really apreciate your reply last day and your anxiousnest (is there any word like that?) about my problem. It feels like I still have someone who wants to listen about my unimportant word and problem.

Well, at this time, I feel like I'm having an "identity crisis". I dont know what am I doing rite now. It feels like I break everything, ruin everything. I become a "friends hater" for hating my best friends without any unreasonable thing. I feel so tired of everything, tired of my life, my environment, tired for fall at the same trap over and over again, tired for being such a useless person. I dont want to end up being a people who live, grow old, then die without making some usefull things for my mom, my family, for people around me, for my environment, for this world, for what I'm believing, and for my own self. I hate my self for being this kinda person.

My damn computer is broken without anyreason. And I dont have enough money to give it to the technician. And I think, I'm going to dissapoint my mom, AGAIN. And my marks for some lesson at my college was awful. And I think, my friends become such a spoiler in my life. Whereas I become such a fool human being for not understanding my major lesson which I should understand because that is what will I do in my future. This is so suck. I really fed up with all of this. And I want to fix it. I really really do. I wanna be this kinda person who loves their friends, who can make her mom's proud of her, who make good marks in every major lesson that she took, who have a great computer which wont break without weird cause that I dont know what it is, and who can still smiling even when I'm facing troubles.

I think my head is going to blow up. I cant afford to have those thoughts and feelings in my head at the same time like this. I jusk feel like I want to scream out loud or go to some places where I can cry without give a damn with peole arround me. So then I can come back to do what I have to do with the new me. The better me.

Well, that's about my story. Hope you wont sleep or what after reading this message.
Thx so much for just reading this message and showed me some careness.

Adios,
GC

I've been having some trouble using this mobblog. I can't upload a picture!! Until I ask this person and he said "You have to click this insert and modify image iun yer blog entry. And... *taddah* I can upload an image. Uhm.. It has been hours I'm doing this internet things.  I feel kinda tired now. Well, my friend, the one that I told yu before, is going to be not a friend anymore. I act weird to her and so does she. So.. I think this is going to be further. I hate losing friend. But I dont want to be this kinda person who "obey" this girl mood anymore. So sad..

Well, check out this picture. Another amateur editing from this Miserable Mistress. Sayonara Mobbers!!

Yuhu. Someone said to me "Can you blog in english?". Well, first I want to ensure you that my english sucks. As sucks as my Physical Chemistry. But, I'll try to write about my thoughts in english. Maap-maap aja kalu ada buanyak salah kata.

This is going to be a very looong day. I have quite much thing to do. My class will over at 4 o'clock this afternoon, after that there is a meeting for the Mention M (my major's work forthis year), and also a long practice in kissing the trombone. And I already felt tired rite now.

Hem. Well, I have a quite scary picture of me. And I think you should see this. I'm a very amateur in editing picture. Das id 4 2day. Hohohoh. Still asking my miserable english blog instead of the "kalbu" language where I can speak with the deepest word I could speak. Hahahaha. Adios!

Damn. I hate using COMLABS (Internet cafe in my campus). This connection is going to make out of my mind. I feel like want to kick this monitor. Jah!

Entah kenapa yah. Hari ini gw bawaannya kesel mlulu. Kek bawa gendongan berat yg bikin lo susah gerak en menyebabkan kekesalan tak beralasan ke SEMUA org yg ada disekeliling lu. Pokonya pissed off without reason. Yg jelas gw kaga suka bgt kalu ada yg ngritik gw hari ini. Dari sekian banyak omongan org-org kurang kerjaan yg ngomentarin gw, komentar yg plg banyak adalah ttg celana jinsku. Ada yg blg "Gw kaga suka bgt liat lo pake celana yg ini..", "Celana lu tu yah, robeknya nyakitin mata!", "Yampun ce, celana lu tuh benerin ngapa.", "Paha lu kemana-mana tu..", dsb, dsb. Kenapa si? Kek cuman sekali ngeliat org make celana yg "agak-sedikit-cukup-luamayan-lebar" robek ajah. Lagian pan robeknya bukan gara-gara sengaja gw robek. Tapi gara-gara pas masukin kaki, bagian robek yg tadinya cuman segaris keinjek, en *sreeek* terbentuklah sobekan tak beraturan ntu. Namanya juga celana lama. Uda lapuk, ples cukup ketat pula, jadi pas gw jongkok yg robek kecil-kecilnya yah tambah melar. Tapi pan intinya bukan sengaja gw robek! [Penuh angkara murka en esmosi. Halah.] Sebenernya bagian yg robek ntuh di lutut sedikit ke atas paha. Heran. Dari kemaren tauk dikomentarin. Padahal pan gw uda berusaha make baju "normal" dg bercelana seperti inih. Mending pan daripada make sarung kek yg biasa gw pake kuliah dolo. Huuh. Sirik aja org-org. Gw tauk si maksudnya baek cuman tetep ajah gw kesel. Apa si gece..

Uiya. Trs gw mule makin sebel sama temen gw berinisial "_" itu. Kesel ajah! Lagi-lagi kesel tanpa alesan. Pokonya gw mule "menilai" setiap tingkah laku dia. En everytime I do that, I found her always be the spoiler. Menyebalkan. Sucks! Belagu! Sotoy! Sombong! Soook! Sapa si lu hah? Mentang-mentang!! Kek org paling bener sedunia ajah. Masa makan telor+tahu+nasi+sambel+lalapan dibilang kaga ada gizinya. Instead of junkfood yg notabene emang harganya jauuh lebihj mahal malah dia bilang SANGAT bergizi. Sok bgt pan? Semena-mena.

Nampaknya hari ini bakal aneh. Why do I tell that? Karena hari ini dimulai dg pagi yg cukup aneh. Jadi begini. Tadi gw mu mandi serasa sakit perut apa gmn gt. So tanpa mikir dua ato tiga ato empat ato berapa kali, gw dg mantap lsg menongkrong di toilet kosan. Tp entah mengapa, walo uda cukup lama ditunggu hal yg diharapkan keluar kaga keluar-keluar. Trs gw memutuskan wat keramas. Coz rambut gw yg aneh ini demennya lepek beminyak apa gmn gt kalu kaga dikeramas tiap ari. Kaga tauk kesambet apah gitu gw ngambil salah satu botol yg ada di tempat mandi. Kukeluarkan isi cairannya. Usapkan pada rambut yg basah. Trs *Sok gosok gosok*. Wait! Kok aneh? Kok meni lembek lunak lembut apa gmn ni sampo? Otomatis gw cium tu busa-busa di tangan gw buat ngerasain baunya. Halah. This isnt shampoo. Ini mah sabuh mandi! Tanpa pikir panjang tapi cukup cerdik [apa si?] langsung gw banjur tu kepala pake aer kobokan, aer mandi maksudnya.

Aneh pan? Gw kaga pernah ngalamin kejadian kek gt. Palingan dolo mah seringnya sikat gigi pake sabun ato sampo instead of tooth paste. Ato ngebanjur badan dalam keadaan masi pake bra. En biasanya kalu pagi gw dimule dg kejadia-kejadian kek gt, something weird is going to happen to me at that day.

Haduh. Haduh.

Uiya. Si Kobujib a.k.a Kotak Busuk Ajaib a.k.a komputer butut gw rusak lagi. Aduuuh. Setres gw. Mana duit yg tadinya bakal gw pake wat ngebenerin uda terlanjur gw gunakan dg semena-mena. Nampaknya sesuatu yg buruk sedang terjadi di dalam cepeu [baca:CPU] Si Kobujib. Belun gw bawa ke tukang reparasi coz kaga ada yg ngaterin. Males juga pan naek angkot sembari gotong-gotong cepeu Si Kobujib. Makanya gw menunggu kebaean teman-teman tercintaku wat nganterin. Sebenernya gw males jg kesana [tkg reparasi]. Lagi males ngapa-ngapain gw. [Lha? Bukannya lu emang slalu males? Wohoho.]

Tadi malem tuh yak. Balik parttime teh jem 11-an lah. Dianterin sama mantan kecengan gw. Sebelon naek brembreman [baca:motor] nya dia, dia becanda sama temen gw yg laen en blg gini "Kaga ngapa pan gw yg nganterin. Nti lu ilfil lagi?" Halah. What the maksud coba? Benernya cukup lama ampe gw bener-bener memahami ntu ucapan mengingat otak gw yg cukup celeron [baca: lemot]. Akhir-akhir ini entah mengapa diriku tak merasakan adanya debaran asmara yg menggugah jiwa [halah]. Lagi kaga demen sama siapa-siapa. Apa ini mungkin dikarenakan lamanya diriku menjanda yes? Haduh. Tak jelaslah.